If Only in Secret
by Pax Rivers
Summary: To Speak it, To Know it, To Bask in it....or shall we love only in Secret. Ratings may vary, but i'll post warnings
1. Chapter 1

"Are you afraid of me?" I asked.

"Yes"

"Why?" I asked, probing further.

"Because you look funny" and with that she threw sand in hair and ran away from me. I was only seven years old and she looked no more than eight herself. I was new to Macomb County but I could definitely tell that the people there weren't used to seeing people like me and my Mama. All of the people there looked basically the same. 'They all think the same too, you'll see" my mother had told me. I hadn't wanted to move there from my city home in New York but Mama had lost her job and we had no family in the state. She had been afraid to tell me where we were moving at first, probably knew I wouldn't like it . She had been right. My first day of Little Tree Elementary School, Ashley assaulted me three times. After she threw sand in my face she then promptly kicked me in the knee during story time, and capped the day off by spitting on my sandwich at lunch. I went home and told my Mama who of course spoke to the principal the next day. The next three weeks of school Miss Davies ignored me all together. I was fine with it until the day she finally did say something. I noticed her stomping towards me during recess one afternoon.

"What do you want?" I asked her. I figured if I forced my voice hard enough she wouldn't hear how afraid I was.

"Aint want nothing at all" she said staring at me intensely, I remember thinking about what a fierce look that was for a little girl to be having. I was all set to get up and walk away when she grabbed my wrist.

" I'm sorry I was mean to you before, but you didn't have to go telling the principal. My papa lit into me twice that night."

" I didn't mean for you to be punished" I stated plainly " Only for you stop picking on me"

"Well, I'm Ashley." She said extending her little hand out to me.

" I'm Spencer" I shook her hand lightly.

"You got a penis or something " I immediately snatched my hand from hers.

" No" I said trying to remain calm.

" Well, the way I see it you either got a penis or your mama aint got no brain naming you a boy name like that. Which is it?" I leapt onto her and punched her as many times as I could before the gym teacher came over and separated us. Ashley and I have been best friends ever since.

"Spencer, Ashley's outside for you" , my mama yelled.

"Damn it Paula how in hell am I supposed to sleep with you yelling and going on?" my grandma retorted and when on to yell about how shed let us into her home all those years back and all we do is "tear up shit" and 'get on her got-damn-nerves'. We'd heard it all before. I grabbed my backpack and my iPod and headed downstairs. I ducked between grandma and mama , kissing each of them on the cheek before heading outside to meet Ashley.

" Wooooo weeeee , why hello sexy" Ashley yelled at me as I approached her pickup truck.

I threw my backpack into the back before sliding into the passenger seat.

" What's shakin this morning beautiful, we could stop and get breakfast…."

" And be late for first period again, I think not."

" Aw c'mon live a little bit"she said to me with a pout.

" I've lived for the past four days, Ash and I can't be late again. Mama'll kill me."

" But.."  
" I can't, school now."

She pulled out of my driveway . We'd been riding to school together every day since Ashley fixed up her granddaddy's truck when she was thirteen. Macomb, Georgia's a small town, nobody bothers much about drivers licenses and ages. We rode in silence until we pulled into the school parking lot. I slid out of the car and grabbed my backpack out of the back. I noticed Ashley wasn't carrying anything.

" Ash, where are your books?"

"Aint got none"

"Aint got none" I said mimicking her whilst slapping her lightly on the shoulder. Just as we were about to walk to class I heard someone call out to me from across the quad.

" Hey Spencer"

" Oh hey there Aiden, what's going on?"

" Nothing much just figured I could walk my girlfriend to class this morning, seeing as how she's on time today"

" Well, get your butt over here and walk me" I said. He smiled and jogged over to us.

" What'd you go and do that for….. Hi Aiden" Ashley said glumly. She and Aiden didn't get along much.

" Ashley, so Spence let me get those books for you" I handed him my backpack as he wrapped his ar tightly around my waist.

" Bye Ash, ill meet you at your truck for lunch then?"

"Yea, sounds about right"

" Ash?"

" Yea, Spence?" I hugged her tight around her neck before kissing her on her cheek.

"Behave today"

" Alright, alright. Let's get goin before we're late. Ashley I swear you're stealing all of my Spencer's time from me but I can see why she loves you" He said scooping her up into a big bear hug.

We walked away together as he caught me up on the previous night. Aiden was a sweet guy and I really did love him. Everyone had pretty much mapped out our futures for us. He was to go to Georgia State and play football and I was stay in Macomb…waiting for him. I never intended on being with Aiden forever but I was comfortable with him and I hadn't planned on leaving him any time soon.

In first period I could barely focus, I wasn't used to being there for the first half of class. I stared straight ahead. Aiden to my right was scribbling furiously in his notebook . Probably taking notes…I usually copied them from him at a later time, or rather he copied them for me and gave them to me. What can I say the boy was good. To my right another of my good friends Sean, was fast asleep on his desk. I figured he had the right idea and I put my head down on my desk.

" Miss Carlin, please let me know if I'm boring you"

' Not at all sir"

"Perhaps you already know Pythagorean Therom? Care to share some of your knowledge with the rest of the class?"

"Not today Mr. Willis"

" Oh yes ma'am, its gonna be today. In fact this is the first time this week ive seen you in class this early so oh yes little buddy it is gonna be today"

" Look John, I'm kind of tired, hadn't even had my breakfast. .."

" Spencer, just go up there"

" Aiden!"

' Just go"

" Better listen to him Spence, I mean, god forbid you actually act like you have a spine. Someone in the relationship has to" Ashley said suddenly appearing in the doorway.

' Why Miss Davies, thank you for visiting my _calculus _class but_ remedial _ math is down the hall"

" Thank you Johnny for the thought but I know where my class is, in fact I was just on my way there when I heard you getting your balls handed to you by Miss Carlin back there and decided to have a little looksie." She smiled to punctuate the sentence.

" All three of you out. Carlin, Dennison, out!!! Get Out!!!."

"Damn, detention. I got practice today, coach'll have a cow."

"Don't shit your jockey's cowboy, Coach Reed won't forget who his all American is."

"I wasn't talking to you Ashley"

" I don't see why not , I got detention too. Don't you think I had plans? Hell, nobody wants detention but we got it so all I'm saying is your whining aint gonna make it go no faster."

"Guys, that's enough. Let's just get to lunch alright?"

"Yea, alright. I'm gonna head out to the football field to tell coach about what happened today" he said moving towards me for our kiss. I could feel Ashley rolling her eyes at me. ..at us.

" You'll meet me at the usual lunch table then baby?"

"Actually, I was thinking on eating with Ash, I mean, I didn't get breakfast with her this morning and…."

"I understand, I guess I need another kiss then. I won't see you until detention."

I moved into his arms, and he kissed me soft and slow before placing a kiss on the tip of my nose. We pulled away from each other and I watched him turn and walk away.


	2. Chapter 2

I turned to Ashley to see her staring at her feet. We went through this every now and then. Aiden was my boyfriend but I felt like I had to divide my time equally between he and Ashley. It got to her I know. I grabbed her hand and held it as tight as I could .

'"You don't have to feel bad you know. I'd never let anything get in the way of our time"

She looked up to meet my eyes. We walked hand in hand to her truck. The drive was silent. The green pastures sped by outside of the windows as he r hand found its way across the seat and onto my thigh. Things like that had been happening between us for years but neither of us ever said anything about it. I just laced my fingers in hers and we rode to our lunch spot. There was an open field behind her dad's gas station a couple of miles from school. We'd buy a couple of bean burritos coupled with cokes and lay out in the back of her truck talking.

"Het Spence, can I ask you a question?"

' You mean in addition to the one you just asked?"

We'd finished eating and had laid back looking at the sky. I always found myself lying comfortably in the crook of her neck, her arm splayed gently around my waist.

" You going to that dance next week?"

" You know the football team is sponsoring that dance right?"

" And…"

" Every member of the football team is required to be there, including Aiden."

" Oh I see farm, boy might need a date. Can't he go with someone else?"

I laughed snuggling closer to her.

"I am his girlfriend Ash, who else would he go with"

" I guess I see your point. Just figured you might wanna spring for something new this year."

" Like what? I'm not the least bit interested in any of the other boys in that school, you know that."

"Yea, I know. I just thought maybe….hey you wanna go fishing?"

I took notice of the subject change but said nothing about it. I figured if she ever got around to saying what was on her mind , I would listen. Until then I wasn't going to press the issue with her.

" Yea, you got some poles?"

" Spence this is Georgia, you know good and well we don't need no poles to fish."

"I'm from New York love, and upstate we don't even have anything to fish in."

" Why Spencer Carlin, are you telling me that you've never been fishing?"

"That's exactly what I'm saying, Care to teach me?"

" Sure thing, now there's a stream not too far from here. We could walk if you think you could handle it."

" Option number two, we could take your truck."

" Or we could take my truck, c'mon let's get in up front. I don't think your country enough to ride in the back"

" Oh whatever"

The stream was beautiful. The forest surrounding it shaded the spot from the hot sun. Crickets hummed gently and birds flew overhead. It had to be the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

"You ready to learn a thing or two city girl?"

Ashley said as she rolled up her pant legs, approaching the streams edge.

" Hey Ash, what're we going to do with fish in the middle of the school day?"

' Well I wasn't really planning on taking you back" she said as she stood in the water.

" And don't you think people will notice that we're gone?"

" Sure they will but there wont be a thing they can do about it. Now come on into this water."

I walked out to join her , squishing my toes in the soggy river bottom. As I approached the point at which she stood. I noticed that she had taken off her shirt and laid it gently in front of her in the water. She held out a hand for me to stop where I was . A fish had swam atop her shirt and she gently closed the edges of the shirt on top of it. She tied a knot using her sleeves and without warning threw it to me.

'" That's one" she shouted.

I caught the shirt and as I felt the fish move in my hands I began to scream. She laughed at me before wading over to take it out of my hands.

" I meant for you to take it back to shore Spence."

She said as flung the shirt onto dry land.

" Now that wont keep because we don't have a cooler but today I'm just showing you the ropes."

" But you only had one shirt".

At that a slow smile spread across her face. I noticed that she was moving closer to me. My mind wa screaming for me to move away but my feet seemed to be glued to that very spot. Everything was moving so fast. Her fingers had somehow found their way beneath the hem of my shirt and were slowly moving upward. Before I could say anything she was lifting my shirt over my head. She moved behind me. She placed my shirt out in front of me. " You don't want to have the shirt directly on top of the water, the fish will only swim under it. See?" As she said that the shirt trembled as fish scurried beneath it. She held me from behind as my hands held the shirt in place. " Push it a little lower Spence. Just like that. Now it's time for patience." As we awaited our fish, my arms found their way around her neck, pulling her face into my neck. I felt her lips touch my ski,n and my eyes closed. At that point I couldn't care less about fishing. I was too caught up in the trail of fiery kisses she was leaving on my neck. My fingers lost themselves in her hair, as her hands danced lightly across my stomach.

" Spence, you caught your first fish." Her words did little to break the trance I was in. I turned myself around in her arms and kissed her full on the mouth. We'd ceased being to separate people, we had become one entity….hands, tongues, lips, breaths all melded into one. I'm not sure who broke away first, but reality set in as the new oxygen flooded into our brains. Still, I stood there in her arms, just looking at her.

"What now Spencer?"


	3. Chapter 3

What now? The question had replayed itself in mind several times as we road back to school. We were both soaked through and through and the slow summer breeze that flowed in the windows just wasn't drying us fast enough.

"Ash, what're we going to do about these clothes. We can't just walk into the school like this, what will people think?"

" We aint necessarily gotta go straight back there. I mean, if you're willing, I know a place where we can go and get cleaned up."

'"Yeah alright"

She reached across the seat and placed her hand on my knee, pulling me closer to her. I laid my head onto her shoulder. We'd settled into our sameness. I could see the question still sitting firmly on her brow. Sure it needed to be answered, but she wouldn't bring it up until I was ready; a silent gift to me.

" Where are we goin'?"

"Kyla's"

" Ash you know she hates me, isn't there anywhere else we can go?"

" She does not hate you, she's just set in her ways. Now she's about the only person I know of who'll let us rinse ourselves off a bit without asking questions"

Kyla was Ashley's half sister. Ashley's dad had slept with Kyla's mom the night his wife took her last breath. It had been the town's biggest and oldest scandal, driving Kyla and her mom to live in the outskirts. I'd met Kyla a couple years after I'd met Ashley . Kyla hadn't been to kind to me from the start, any time I asked Ash about it she'd simply smile and say that Kyla was " set in her ways". The truck finally stopped in front of an overgrown lawn. The large house loomed out towards the sun, proud in its old timey ways. Ashley untangled herself from me and we both hopped out of the car. As we walked towards the front door, I unconsciously moved closer to Ash… I wasn't afraid to admit that that girl scared the mess out of me. Thinking about it now sends chills down my spine.

Of course Kyla answered the door before we could knock. She peered at us as her hand shaded her eyes.

" What yall done gone and did now?"

'" Kyla don't start with that shit, we just need some dry clothes and maybe a shower before we head off back to school"

'"Alright, you don't wanna tell me what's going on with you, fine by me. You know where the bathroom's at. Some of Daddy's jeans are up there in the spare bedroom for you ash…some wife beaters of his too."

" Aint you gonna speak to Spencer?"

" What for, she aint shown no interest in speaking to me"

She turned and walked back into the house. Ashley led me up the stairs. She pulled me into the bathroom and I began to undress.

" Hey Ky, bring us some towels, will you?", Ashley yelled.

" Don't act brand new Ashley, you know where they are."

" Just bring em Ky"

Ashley turned back to where I stood without any clothes. My hands moved to unclasp her bra.

" Aw hell, here I'm dropping these towels right here. Don't get any of your juices on the mats ladies."

Ashley and burst into laughter, the moment instantly lightened by Kyla's antics .

" Hey, um you could go first if you want and uh I'd wait outside even…if that's what you want"

I smiled and pulled her into a kiss. She stepped out of her jeans as I led her over to the shower.

/

Ashley and I moved to get dressed. Ashley wore what she usually wore; a pair of her fathers' jeans and a wife beater. She tossed me a pair of the pants as she continued to dress herself.

" Uh, I don't think so"

" What?"

" I can't wear this stuff ."

" Why the hell not?"

"People will know that something happened"

" Oh yeah, and disappearing for four hours won't tip them off." She said laughing.

" This is serious, I can't let Aiden find out that.."

" That what?" she knew that I couldn't say it. She stared at me intensely before yelling " Kyla, you got something that Spencer can wear?"

"That what Spencer?"

" That I uh…."

" Look you make sure that barbie princess over here brings my shit back" Kyla said to Ashley as she threw the clothes onto the bed. Ashley started to say something but Kyla had already left the room.

/

With both of us clean and dressed Ashley thanked Kyla and we headed for school. Once we reached the parking lot an irritated Aiden immediately ran over to us.

"Spencer, where the hell have you been?"

"Hello to you too farm boy, care to let her breathe before you go hopping down her throat."

" This has got nothing to do with you, Spencer out of the car now!"

" Wha-oo there partner, you aint her damn daddy. "

" Spencer lets go!"

" Not until you calm down, I was with Ashley, obviously I'm fine"

"Whelp you heard her, guess you better be moving along."

Aiden reached into the car and slapped Ashley hard across the face.

" Aiden stop, she'a girl !"

" You're right…sometimes I forget that. Walk like a man, talk like a man, gunning after MY girl like a man!!! Next time you pull some shit like this you'll get your ass kicked like a man, you best believe that!!"

Ashley got out of the car and leapt on him. At first he just let her hit him but soon he got tired of it and started to hit her back. I knew I had to do something before Ash got hurt.

" Ashley stop it, stop it right now!!"

" Alright that's it break I up. All three of you to the principal's office!"

Aiden hit Ashley in the face one last time before storming off to the office.


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley and I sat quietly while Aiden as in talking with the principal. Her face was so badly bruised: blotches of purple and black were already forming. I wanted to apologize, to say something to ease her pain but no words seemed good enough. Never had we been affectionate in front of other people , it was kind of an unspoken rule between us. That day was different though. She put her head on my shoulder, and my hand instinctively flew to her thigh.

" Miss Carlin, Principal Sanders will speak to you now." Ash lifted her head and I slowly walked into the office.

"Have a seat Miss Carlin." I did as I was told. I noticed Aiden was still in the room.

"Mr. Dennison has told me his side of what happened and I would like to hear yours."

' If it's all the same to you sir, I would rather Aiden leave."

"That would be fine, Aiden go wait outside. Do not further agitate Miss Davies."

Aiden left slamming the door behind him.

' Now miss Carlin, your side. If you would start with where you and Miss Davies were for the last two periods of the day."

I knew we were in trouble.

" Well Ashley and I went to her dad's gas station for lunch and it uh came up that I'd never been fishing. She took me to a stream and taught me how, we lost track of time."

" Neither of you had a watch?"

" I guess not sir"

" Now this is no time for 'guessing' Miss Carlin, a couple of our students got into a nasty scuffle and I wanna know everything that led up to it. So I'll ask again, neither of you had a watch?"

" No sir, neither of us had a watch."

"Well, continue."

" Ash and me realized that we were running late and we decided to come back anyway. We had detention. When we got into the parking lot, Aiden ran over to the truck and started shouting at me. Ashley defended me and Aiden got angry and slapped her through the window. I yelled at Aiden for hitting her and then she jumped out and hit him back ten he started beating on her"

" What did Ashley say to Aiden to get him so angry?"

" What?"

'"Well obviously something Ashley said really go to Aiden, he's a pretty level headed young man . He doesn't have a history of misconduct while Miss Davies on the other hand has been known to.."

" Ashley did nothing wrong, you see how big Aiden is… he's on the football team for Christ sake. He beat up on a girl just because he couldn't have his way. He is a controlling, maniacal …"

" Calm down, I said I wanted to hear your side and I do but I'll hear all of it. What did Ashley say?"

" She said for him to let me breathe before he went off yelling at me, and when he ordered me out of the car she told him he wasn't my father. When he persisted, she told him to go away."

" Aiden said that earlier she insulted his relationship with you? Is that true"

" No, not that I know of."

' Okay, well thank you for your cooperation Miss Carlin. I'm thinking three days cafeteria duty will teach you about skipping class and instigating a fight to boot."

" But Principal Sanders…"

'" You can leave and tell Miss Davies I'd like to speak to her on your way out. Better go make that detention up with Mr. Willis if he's still here."

I couldn't believe what I was hearing. I walked into the waiting room .

'" Did you get in any trouble?"

I ignored his question and went straight over to Ashley.

" He wants you to go in , now"

" Spence, I'm sorry if I got you into any trouble."

" No, it's fine…just go in there and get it over with.

//

Ashley came out of the office with tears in her eyes. I just knew that she had got into a lot of trouble.

'"What's the verdict?" I said walking over to her, taking her hand in mine.

"Three days suspension, a week's worth of cafeteria duty and anger management with the school counselor. What'd you get?"

" Wow, just three days of caf duty."

" Yea well it seems that Macomb High's all American told the ole principal that I provoked him with 'crafty and quick witted insults'. Principal said that he'd suspend Aiden too..if not for Friday's game."

She was full out crying at that point. I wrapped my arms around her. My momma had been right…people in Macomb county all thought the same. A boy beats on a girl half his size and he walks away unscathed, that's small town justice for you.

'" I can't go home Spence, my dad'll kill me. I can't…I can't tell him about this, he'll kill me"

" You wanna go to my place, c'mon I'll drive."

I drove us to my house, the whole while thinking about how I was going to sneak her in without my grandmother finding out. As soon as we pulled into the drive way my grandmother stepped out onto the porch.

" Instigating fights….skipping school!! Well aint you just a high minded little somebody. Get on in this house girl , im goin to tear your ass in two!!!"

I immediately backed out of the driveway. No way. There was only one place we could go at that point.

" Ash we're gonna have to go to Kyla's"


	5. Chapter 5

"Okay"

I sped down the road away from my house and on to Kyla's. The ride was quiet. Ashley had her head in m y lap. I would have to go home some time, and when I did I knew my grandmother would be there waiting to beat the breaks off of me. We pulled, for the second time that day, into Kyla's unkempt lawn.

"C'mon Ash, you know you're going to have to do the talking."

Kyla opened the door as we approached the porch. She didn't ask us any questions she just let us in. She showed us to the bedroom we had changed in earlier during the day and left us to it. Ashley fell asleep almost instantly and I was stuck away by myself staring out of the window. Kyla came up to leave fresh towel, but she never said a word to me. Eventually I got under the covers and snuggle up next to Ashley . That night sleep came easily, it was sweet and long. Nobody woke us up, no alarm clock, no grandmothers or fathers. We were free to sleep as long as we saw fit.

The sun crept into the window, as if even he were afraid to wake us. As the fresh light touched my face I allowed my eyes to open. I noticed that Ashley was no longer beside me. I swung my feet over the edge of the bed, the coldness of the floor shocked my feet. A warm smell downstairs called to me. I leaned over the banister to see what was cooking and there stood Ashley and Kyla.

"You aint supposed to cook em like that Ky, they gonna stick"

" I been making these for years and I know what im doin"

"Im telling you she don't like her pancakes hard, if they stick they gon be hard"

"Ash, go watch t.v or something and leave the cookin to me"

I cleared my throat to get their attention. Kyla was the first one to look up and she elbowed Ashley in the side.

"Well good morning beautiful, you gonna stay up there all day or what?"

I ran down the stairs and into the kitchen. Ashley picked me up and sat me on the counter. She made her way in between my legs an kissed me. I kissed her back, but I was wary of Kyla. She was staring at us. Ashly tried to me in for another kiss but I pulled away.

"What's wrong?" she whispered.

"Your sister is watching us" I whispered back to her.

'Kyla's fine, she won't tell anyone." Tell anyone what? I still hadn't labeled what we were doing in my head. It was hard to believe that other people, even it was just Kyla knew about our 'thing' and had a name for it. Ashley and I had never talked about it before. I spent so little time thinking about it, I knew that the moment I gave it more than just the passing thought would be the moment I knew I couldn't handle it.

"Tell anyone what?" It just slipped out. I hadn't even had a chance to think about what the question might mean to Ashley. She backed away from me then. She couldn't even look in my eyes. She left the kitchen and I stood there alone with Kyla, the sister from hell.

"Why do you do that to her?" Was she actually talking to me? It was hard to believe. Kyla hadnt spoken one word to me in years.

"Do what to her?"

"Don't play dumb with me, it's so clear how she feels about you."

"I don't want to hear this"

" I know you don't..Ashley does too. She won't ever say anything about it. She won't ever press the issue with you. She'll just keep waiting and waiting for a day that will never come. "

" This is a small town."

" And you knew that when you started all of this, it's always gonna be the same small town."

" You act like im in this alone, Ashey has to take some responsibility too you know."

"Look at you, you speak of ' this' well what the hell is it you got going with my sister? She may be content with you stomping all over her heart and taking beatings for YOU, but I aint about to sit here and watch her waste away for someone who don't give a damn about her not a day longer."

" She knows how I feel for her!!"

" Does she, you never say it and you sure as hell don't act like it"

" This is none of your business"

" If it involves Ashley I make it my business. Have you seen her face? For God sakes that boy just about broke her damn nose and for what? You aint got mouth enough to speak up for yourself?"

" I can't believe she told you about that"

" Oh grow up, I'm the only thing she's got in this world, who else is supposed to tell?"

" She's got me"

" Has she? Well let me ask you this. When , in all of your years of knowing her have you asked about HER day, about how SHE'S feeling, huh? She's been sacrificing for you all of her damn life. Picking you up and chauffeuring you to school and home and to Aiden's games…'

"Stop."

" No, you need to hear this….."

" Ky, that's enough." Ashley said appearing in the doorway. I hadnt noticed it but Kyla was crying. I Ashley moved right past me to comfort Kyla. I felt so out of place.

"Ashley…"

" Spencer…we need to tlk."

" Yeah, I know"

" Kyla im 'on take Spencer out back and talk to her. You wanna finish up those pancakes."

" Yeah, Ash I'm sorry fro goin of on her.."

Ashley kissed her on her forhead.

" I'ts fine Ky, I appreciate what you were trying to do"

/////////

"Spencer, what are we?"

"I don't know"

"What do you want us to be?"

" I don't know"

"Well, what do you know?"

"I know that I like kissing you, and I like sleeping next to you and I know that I don't want that to ever change."

"There is a name for that Spence."

"I know that but..this is a small town and stuff gets around pretty quickly"

"I don't like not knowing what we are, but true love waits."


	6. Chapter 6

That's just how Ashley was. She always put my needs before her own. Kyla came out to tell us that breakfast was ready. We sat around the table not speaking to one another. Kyla's words had hit home in more than one way. What was Ashley to me? Lord knows we had done things with each other that I never even dreamed of doing with Aiden. She knew every part of me, inside and out. So what did that make us? She could see the gears turning in my head. She reached over to hold m hand. Such a simple gesture, but that's all It took. Kyla decided that she couldn't take much more and she stormed out of the kitchen leaving her plate on the table. Ashley, being as kindhearted as she always was, gathered the dishes from the table and carried them over to the sink.

"I'll empty and wash if you dry"

"Yea ok"

We washed the dishes in an easy rhythm and soon we had them all done. I sat in the counter and she came, as if being called, and stood between my legs. We kissed of course. They were sweet and slow, and loving. She lifted me as if I were as light as a feather and carried me up the stairs. Into the room we seemed to float and our lips never broke apart. She laid me on my back and lifted her shirt over her head. Years of working on cars had been good to her body. Her rough hands grasped my soft ones, and pent my arms over my head. She kissed my neck and my breaths quickened att the very thought of her nearness.

"Ash…Daddy's out in the yard. He wanna talk to you." Kyla said without opening the door.

Ash let her head drop onto my shoulder in disappointment. Later. We would continue our little tryst after she had dealt with her father. She grabbed her shirt off of the floor and headed out of the room and down the steps. I took a minute or two to gather my thoughts, or should I say conceal them. I didn't ant anyone to be able to read what I was thinking on my face. I heard a crash, and a scream. I stood and bolted out of the door. I could hear voices.

" I would kick your ass but it seems like whoever you pissed off did a good enough job at that already."

Ashley was kneeling in the grass, her hands to her face. I ran over to her.

"Now it's funny to me how you got all these friends 'round you now but when you were getting your ass handed to you were all alone. Some friends"

" Daddy, I think Ash has learned her lesson, Imma put her to work round here Daddy. You can go on home."

The man let his hand fly backwards and across his other daughters face. I stood and stared at him.

"What are you looking at?" Ashley was suddenly in front of me.

"You go on in the house Spencer, Kyla and I are fine."

"I'll go but you guys are coming in with me."

"If aint little miss yellow hair comin to the rescue. " he said as he laughed maliciously. Ashley turned to face him and that's when he lost it completely.

"I aint trying to hurt that girl, are those my jeans you got on? Well looky here, m y little girl's grown up to be a man. I'd never did much more than slap you across the face cuz you was a girl but you done sprouted into a man right in front of my eyes. You know how men handle things don't you? " He was arms length away then. He reached out and caressed her face.

" I did my best to kill off the dyke in you but I guess I failed. That's fine. I know how to handle a man that done got too big for his britches. Step away from that little girl so we can settle this, I got things to do."

Ashley turned to me and whispered ' Go in the house Spencer I don't want you to see this." She stepped towards him and before she could even steady herself he punched her square in the face. She fell to the ground but he just picked her up by her hair and hit her again.

" Daddy stop, she's learned I tell you!", Kyla cried out.

"Shut up that crying girl before I give you something to cry about"

He kicked Ashley a few times. The sound of her ribs cracking was sickening. I put my boy over her to block some of the blows. He swung like he would hit me but then he stopped as if to really think about what he was doing. He spat on us before turning and getting back in his truck and driving off. I laid there on top of Ashley crying for a bit before I realized that Ashley's heas was bleeding.

" Kyla, we need to get her to a hospital. Kyla ! Let's go. " I lifted Ashley as carefully as I could, while Kyla ran ahead to open the door to her truck. Ashley's feet were in my lap and her head on Kyla's. The blood was scaring Kyla so I drove as fast as I could. The nearest hospital was at least twenty miles away. I sped down the express way, hoping like hell that I wouldn't get a ticket.

When we got to the hospital, Kyla and carried Ashley in through the emergency room entrance. As soon as the receptionist saw , she yelled for a doctor. Two of them came with a stretcher. Kyla fainted and they took her into a room to lay down. All on my own, I staggered to the desk.

' Ma'am can I use your phone to call my momma, I don't have any quarters on me to use the pay phone"

She sat the phone on the desk and told me to pres nine to dial out. With shaky hands I dialed the number to my grandmother's house.

"Hello?" it was my mother thank God, I was in no kind of condition to deal with my grandmother's berating.

"Momma"

" God Spence where are you , I know she pissed you off but…"

" I'm at the hospital"

" In Decatur? What on earth for?"

"Ash, her dad came and he was just hitting her and hitting her. There was so much blood coming from her head, I didn't know what to do. Kyla fainted and now I'm all alone…just can you come?"

"Yeah baby, I'm on my way which entrance are you at?"

"The emergency one, hurry."

"You stay put, I'm coming."


	7. Chapter 7

Ashley had a concussion and would need to be hospitalized for a couple of weeks. After I had a chance to calm down I told momma what happened to Ashley with her father, I was hoping they would arrest him.

"Nothing happened" were the exact words she said to me. She said that in a town as small as ours it was key that everyone tried to mind their business as much as possible. It would be wise, she said, if we tried to forget the incident all together. She called grandma to let her know what had happened. Grandma contacted her bank to get the money to cover the bills. How could they act like that, like everything was normal while Ashley lie motionless? No one seemed to be the least bit angry. Sure everyone was a little annoyed with inconvenience, but nothing more. I sat in that waiting room with my head in my lap, thinking.

"You know, it's never been this bad before. He's never taken it this far."

"How long?"

"Since my mother died"

"Your mother is dead, but I thought…"

"Despite what you think, some people in Macomb are capable of keeping secrets. I know we live in our own corner of the world but we are still subject to state law, a law which says that a child under the age of eighteen can't live on her own."

"Why doesn't Ashley just come and live with you then….so she won't have to…"

"Oh he won't let her go. She's the spitting image of her mother, his favorite wife. It's fine for her most of time until he comes home drunk. He slaps her around a bit and she comes to my place to let things cool off for a couple of days. She always has to go back, before he comes looking for her."

"I'm sorry I…"

"You've known her for what? Almost half of your life and hers and you didn't know none of this? Screams a lot about yall's friendship don't it?"

"You know, I keep feeling like I'm not gonna get another chance with her"

"Yea, I get that"

///

I wasn't allowed to spend the night with her, but Kyla stayed and she said she'd call if anything changed. I tossed and turned that night, thinking about what life would be like if Ashley didn't wake up. No matter where I was or what I was doing, she was never too far away. She'd always be there with her pickup truck ready to break me away from it all. I couldn't begin to count the number of times we'd slept together in the back of that truck, her arms wrapped protectively around me. A quiet soul by nature, her eyes said so much. I needed her and I always would. I'd never been one for the Lord but I prayed that night. I prayed hard for Him to let Ashley live through the night and even harder that should that night have been her last, it'd be my last too.

The next morning came for me with its usual noise.

"Paula I aint never seen somebody as trifling as you in all of my sixty two mother fu…"

I pulled the pillow down over my ears. I wasn't ready to deal with them yet.

"Spennncer...c'mon get out of bed, for the love of GOD Almighty mother stop flinging them damn grits at me!!!"

I got out of bed reluctantly and headed for the bathroom. I splashed cold water on my face and rubbed toothpaste on my tongue. I wasn't in the mood to impress anyone. I grabbed my backpack, my ipod and slid my feet Into my flip flops and marched down the stairs.

I walked through the kitchen without saying anything to either of them. It was when I got outside that it really hit me. There was no one waiting for me there, no truck. I would have gone back in to ask for a ride to school but I simply wasn't in the mood to hear the arguing. The school was a little over a mile from our house, nothing that I couldn't handle.

/////////

I'd walked for at least fifteen minutes when I heard the roar of an engine behind me, my heart hope it would be Ashley . I turned around to see Aiden's bright yellow mustang staring me in the face. I quickened my pace. As if I could out run him in that car, soon he had pulled right alongside me. I stared straight ahead ignoring him as best I could.

" Oh come on Spencer, get in the car."

I walked right on like I hadn't heard him. If he thought I was going to rid with him after what he did to Ashley he had another thing coming.

"Don't be foolish Spence, it'll be another twenty minutes before you get to school and them flip flops gotta have your feet aching."

Just as I was about to give him the cursing out of his life Kyla pulled up behind me.

" Spencer, hop in"

I threw my stuff in the back before climbing into the passenger side. She popped a sloppy u-turn and we were off. I was silently thanking her for the rescue. I knew if Aiden could hit Ashley the way he did, he would waste no time bullying me into what he wanted. Kyla drove me to the hospital to see Ashley. There was still no change in her condition. She had tubes coming out of everywhere and it pained me to see her like that. I sat next to her and I held her hand. I kissed her fore head , I was there for her the best way I knew how. The whole time Kyla left me to my peace. She didn't once cut her eyes at me or pressure me about Ashley and my relationship.

I didn't think about school or cafeteria duty or what my grandmother would say when she heard that I was cutting class again. I just sat there in that chair, with Ashley's hand in mine. The hours seemed to fly by, soon nurses came over to change out this and that. They asked if I wanted o leave, saying that it might be too much for me to see, No, everything that had to do with Ashley I wanted to know. I wanted to be well versed in her condition, knowing what was what. I didn't know how at the tie but I knew that when they let Ashley out of there I wanted to be able to take care of her.

I eventually fell asleep, and was awakened by a tap on my shoulder.

"I can take you back home whenever you get ready"

"Thanks Ky, but I'm good here."

"You have to go hoe sometime you know."

"Do i?"

"Nothing's going to change today Spence."

"I know, but this is where I need to be" So she left me there and I drifted back off into sleep. It dawned on me then, I think, Ashley was where I was needed. Whenever I was near her I felt like I had a purpose, and I decided at that moment that I would always be where I belonged with her.


	8. Chapter 8

I ended up spending an entire week at the hospital without relief. Kyla came and went, offering to take me home or school or even to her place. I declined on all occasions. My mother dropped in once or twice to ask what I'd do about school. The end of the year was nearing and it was important that I be there to finish off junior year the best way possible. My grades were good enough, A's , B's…the usual. With Ashley hospitalized, my studies became the least of my worries. It was difficult to get momma to understand that. We eventually reached a compromise. We agreed that I would return to school as soon as Ashley, regained consciousness. At the end of the day, I guess we both realized that my grades were bound o suffer but it wasn't like I had some fancy university in my future any way.

Week two in the hospital brought on the irritation. The nurses cooperated unbelievably well. I slept on the pull out couch and ate downstairs in the cafeteria. My mother's patience however began to wane. When it became clear that Ashley wasn't going to be waking up anytime soon , all previous agreements flew out of the window. She came to the hospital every day after she got off to try and 'convince' me to come home. Even Kyla jumped on the bandwagon. When all else failed, momma recruited my grandmother and she never handled things peacefully. Her first day there she burst through door swearing.

"Alright gal, you got two minutes to grab your shit and head downstairs before I take off my belt", she yelled.

"Mother we are in a hospital."

"Don't start with me. Obviously your coming up here and kissing her ass didn't work or else you wouldn't have had to call me."

"Mother!"

"What Paula…..Jesus girl you can't hear well or something? I said get to gettin' before I unleash cain on your ass"

A nurse coming in to check Ashley's vitals had been unnerved by my grandmother's performance. She did what any level headed professional does when dealing with a maniacal client; called security. The boys in blue were up there faster than momma could call on the lord to escort my grandmother out. My mother was asked to go to help calm my grandmother, as if she could.

"Spencer…you're not helping her by staying up here like this, only hurting yourself", with those final words she turned and left. The nurse returned and completed her tasks as it regarded Ashley. The minutes turned into hours and before I knew the sun had set on another day. The doctor seemed o always come when I was sleeping, for there was always a note or two scribbled on the board at the front of the room. Usually they were instructions to the nurses: prescriptions , upped dosages and things of the like. That day it contained a note written in rather large print, in red too. I abandoned my post momentarily to see what it read. The good doctor had increased her the number of checks her nurses were supposed to do. I flew from the room in a worried shuffle. Surely something was wrong if he was requiring her nurses to up the ante. Once I'd arrived at the nurses' station, a familiar technician greeted me with a smile.

" You're the lovely girl from room 201, what can I do ya for?"

"Her doctor, he left note for …"

"Increased checks, yes I know, I was just on my way in to take a look at her now."

"I was just wondering what it all meant."

"Oh child, no need to worry. It's good news actually."

"Good news?"

"Walk with me hun and I'll explain it all."

I followed her back into Ashley's room. She removed a rather large needle from inside of her coat pocket. I could feel the shock creeping its way onto my face at the site of it.

"No, no love calm down. This isn't for our girl here…no. I had to clear space to get at my viles. These old hands get so full during the day, I tend to stash the essentials here in my lab pockets. Didn't mean to frighten you."

"What is that for?"

"Come round this way. Do you see that bag full of yucky stuff attached to her side? Ms. Davies has been unconscious for a while now so regular things she'd just get up and head to the toilet for normally, have to be handled……otherwise. You know how when you go off to your family doctor and he asks for a sample of your stool or urine? Well , the same is true here except I just take them from this here sack"

"Oh", she laughed at the visibility of my disgust.

"I didn't mean to gross you out…facts of life I'm afraid."

"Um, about the increased checks…'

' Oh yes, first you might wanna step back before I open this thing up…farther, good. There are only two reasons a doctor would wanna increase a patience checks; death watch or regained consciousness. Our Ashley here had a pretty bad gash in her head. She cracked her skull. The body often goes into a hibernation of sorts to try and take care of these needs but hers didn't. She would be in excruciating pain if she had been allowed to stay awake throughout this whole process. Thanks to our friend the 'medically induced coma' she was spared all of that."

" Huh?"

" Basically, love bug, her doctor gave her some medicine to help her sleep it off. It's about time for the medicine to wear off and the doctor just wants someone around to explain things to her when she comes to."

"Oh, thankyou. How long then?"

" No one can know the exact hour, but 'fore the weeks out for certain." She filled the vile as I masked my face with my hand.

" That should do, I'm gonna go ahead and change this puppy out. I doubt she could have crammed much more in there and trust me for this you will wanna step out."


	9. Chapter 9

I called Kyla the next day. She was up there within the hour to speak with the doctor. She wanted to know what she needed to do to get the house ready for when Ashley went home. Out of a week and a half, that was the first time I actually had a chance to speak with the doctor. I stayed up all night, I didn't wanna miss Ashley opening her eyes. The doctor came In and reviewed the notes the nurses had left for her. I wanted to speak with her but I just couldn't keep my eyes open.

The morning came and with it strange sounds. I opened my eyes slowly to see Ashley and Kyla laughing. I tried to jump off the couch but my feet got tangled in the covers and I fell to the floor in a thud. I quickly recovered, and before Ashley could say anything I was around her neck.

"Whoa..Whoa, okay ow...Ow, Calm down Spence."

I couldn't stop the tears from coming. I must have smothered her face with a thousand kisses but when I got to her lips she held me there and kissed me back. I really didn't care if Kyla saw, or the entire nursing staff saw I was just so glad to have her .

"Good morning Miss Davies…oh I'm sorry I didn't mean to interrupt", the doctor said when she entered.

"No its fine" I said kissing Ashley on the forehead.

"Well, things seem to be going fine with your head. When you first arrived we realized that the wound was to deep for stitches so we used surgical glue. Now there are a couple of positives that go along with the glue…first it hold really well. You'd have to be doing some pretty extreme stuff to reopen that wound. Second, it dissolves where as stitches and staples would have to be removed. There is one thing, though, that usually bothers our female patients. If you'll run your fingers gently across the back of your head, you'll notice we had to cut your hair."

"That's fine Doc but when do I get all out these tubes outta me?"

"That brings me on o the next thing, your ribs. Now there isn't much we can do with fractured ribs except wait for them to heel. I they heel improperly that's when go in and fix them. Many of the tubes you see will be removed: the feeding tube, the uh toilet as we like to call it but the morphine will stay. It should decrease the amount of pain you feel."

"I thought she got to go home?"

"Maybe in a day or so but we wanna keep her over night, at least, for observation. Now Miss Davies, you can get up and walk around a bit once the nurses have removed the tubes…but please be careful. You can use the restroom on your own and there is a shower in here unless you'd rather the nurses continue their administrations in that area. Family members…I'm gonna be leaving notes for you guys starting later this afternoon. Any questions for me ladies?"

"Nope Doc, I think I understand."

"Alrighty then, I'm Dr. Duarte and in case of emergency have your nurse page me."

The doctor left the room. Ashley looked up at me and something in those eyes made me wanna kiss her all over again…so I did.

///////////////////////

The day finally came to take Ashley home. It was sort of agreed upon that Ashley would be staying with Kyla for a while. When we pulled into the driveway, I didn't even recognize the house.

"Damn Ky you cut the grass." I guess Ashley noticed too.

"Yep, had to do something to keep myself from worrying about you."

Kyla go out of the truck and ran ahead to open the door. I helped Ashley out.

"Are you sure you can stand."

"What Spence, you wanna carry me?"

"Hey if that's what you need me to do…I'm here."

"That's sweet but I'm fine. "

Kyla had settled into to cooking lunch for us all, leaving Ashley and I to talk upstairs. We'd settled into our usual position; me lying comfortably in Ashley's arms. The ceiling fan turned quietly over head, cooling the room.

"You stayed with me for two weeks?"

"What else was I supposed to do?"

" I don't know, go to school?"

"That's not important right now…I mean I almost lost my best friend . How was I supposed to go to school with all that going on? No, I was where I was supposed to be."

"Best friend…is that all I am to you?"

"I don't know the word for what you mean to me."

" I do. I love you and I think you know that. It gets hard sometimes cuz it seems like no matter what I do for you, you always got an eye out for someone else…everyone else. I know you spent all that time at the hospital with me and I appreciate that I aint saying that I don't. "

"What are you saying Ash."

"I'm saying that I wanna be the one your rushing around to see. I wanna be the one that gets to walk you class, holding you books and all that. I want you to be wearing my jacket if you get cold. All them things Aiden was doing, I can do that for you and more if…"

"Ashley…"

"No Spencer I gotta get this out. I guess what I'm trying to say is, I wanna be you girlfriend "

"Then you are."

"Wha…" Before she could finish what she was saying my lips were on hers. I moved to get on top of her .

"My ribs"

"Damn"

"I know, but as soon as I get better we're gonna finish this."

Kyla called us down for lunch. It was not a pleasant sight either. I was trying to hold my face in place so as not to seem ungrateful.

"Hell, Spencer won't say it cuz she's too polite, but I will. What is this garbage Ky?"

" Well…it's all I had in the fridge, eggs, bologna , tomatoes, and milk."

"I'm sorry but I can't have my girl eatin' this kind of crap"

Kyla smiled.

"Well we'll go out but first we have to do something with that hair of yours Ash."


	10. Chapter 10

Ashley refused to allow Kyla to cut her hair, but I knew of a way to make it easy on all of us. After helping Kyla dispose of the "lunch" she'd prepared, Ashley and I headed up the stairs. I had her sit between my legs whilst I sat on the bed…with the scissors. The patch that the Doctor had to remove was rather large but it had already started to grow back. I started by cutting the sides o her hair to match the length of the patch. I didn't know if she'd like a Mohawk so I just cut it all down in a boyish fashion. When I moved to spike the top, she began kissing the inside of my thighs through my pants. I ruffled my fingers through the top of her hair and she suddenly grabbed my wrist and brought it down to her lips . She turned as I slid down to sit in her lap.

"Don't you want to see how it looks?" I whispered.

'"I trust you" was all she said before she kissed me sweetly on the lips. We still had to be mindful of her ribs so we took it slow. She unzipped my pants with one hand while caressing my face with the other. We'd never gone all the way, shirts came off of course, but never had anything went below the waist. She kissed down the side of my face and on to my neck. Her hand fell lazily from my cheek to my chest, where she began to manipulate my nipple through my blouse. It was as if a fire was building slowly within me and I wasn't able to control the depth of its flames. I felt her in my heart, on lips, in my head and suddenly…between my legs . With each stroke of her finger, the fire roared growing wilder still. Finally a sharp pain rose from between my thighs but I had not even a moment to mourn over it because pure ecstasy moved to take its place. I was in heaven but I burned like I was in hell. I wanted to shout, I wanted to cry and oh the heat inside of me! And then…peace, nothing but the sound of our hallowed breaths.

/////////////////////////////

We never made it to dinner that night. Kyla left us to our peace as if she knew what we were up to. I woke up the next day around noon with Ashley sound asleep on my stomach. I blushed at th sight of my own nakedness and Ashley's too. Sure, we'd known each other for the greater part of our lives but I felt in seeing her naked, I learned new things. I stared in wonderment at he.

" 'Mornin"

"Good morning"

She stretched and moved to sit behind me. We adjusted ourselves so that I was sitting between her legs with my head resting comfortably on her shoulder.

"How did you sleep"

"Fine….great actually"

"Does that mean that you're fine with …"

I reached back to cover her mouth with my hand.

" Spencer it's okay", she laughed" we're the only ones in the room"

"Yea….I'm fine, I mean it was amazing. I mean…it was great …just …wow Ash. Wow."

"Thank you for the compliment, now I don't know about you but I'm mighty hungry. Can't really ask Kyla to coo…"

"Spencer Carlin you get your as…. Sweet Jesus in heaven. Paula!!! Paula she done turnt on us…my God she done turnt."

Ashley and I scrambled trying to cover ourselves. My grandmother stood in the door way just staring and was soon joined by my mother. It was a disaster. My grandmother couldn't hardly pray for swearing, or curse us out properly for praying. My mother just cried and cried.

"Oh help me Father, I'm about to ruin my Sunday shoes, breaking my foot off in this girl's ass. Jesus knows I hate the violence but I swear fo' God I'm gonna kill this here child. Oh Lord hold me back!!"

"Nana Carlin, Spencer and I ,well we was just messing around"

"I got eyes gal I can see what yall was doin. Jesus Paula shut up with all that damn crying , my nerves are already shot."

"Nana let me explain"

"Shut it up girl! "

" What's going on in here?" Kyla asked.

"Who in the George H. Dubya are you? Doesn't matter, I know this much….your momma and me goin' to church. You get your backwards ass in that tub over yonder and try to scrub some of that humpty-dumpty off of yourself then you come on to church. Lord knows you need forgivin'. I'll deal with your mess after you done sat and heard what your Father in heaven has to say, you better pray lightening don't strike you down 'fore then."

My grandmother stormed out of the room with a series of other not-so pleasant words. My mother just stared at us, crying, before my grandmother called for her to leave as well. I was outright flabbergasted and Ashley just looked pissed off. I felt myself about to crumble. Ashley let me cry on her shoulder.

"Well um Spencer I think you might wanna get on ready now so me and Ash can take you to church like your grandmother said."

'Ky, can you give us a minute?"

'Ashley you heard what her…"

"Please?"

"Take all the time you need"


	11. Authors Note

Thank you all so much for your responses. I love to hear from you all and it motivates me to keep going. I would love to hear more though, suggestions are always welcome as are any constructive criticisms you might have for me. I've seen where other write have threatened to stop posting new chapters if they didn't receive a certain number of reviews. I won't do that sort of thing but I will say that I'd love to have a hundred of these response thingies. Special thanks to you guys that review every chapter or so, that is truly amazing. Thank you so so much. Um…I guess I'll hop off of my soap box now and get on with the writing. There will definitely be another chapter tonight. I've got to study for that blasted SAT first, dreadfully boring though.

-Pax


	12. Chapter 11

There was nothing Ashley could say to make me feel any better about what had happened. I got dressed and Ashley drove me to church. We sat in the parking lot for what seemed like forever.

"Spencer you say the word and we can be out of here."

"I know… it's just I don' know how to look at them. How do I look my momma in the eye? What do I say to her Ash ?"

"I don't know what to tell you, I wanna help but I don't know what to say about things like this."

"My grandmother's probably told the whole congregation by now."

"Nah…she wouldn't do that Spence. You want me to walk you in?"

'I don't know if I'm going in yet"

We sat for a few moments, I could hear the choir getting warmed up inside. You wouldn't believe how many variations o Amazing Grace they knew. The more we sat, the more nervous I got until finally, I broke out into a cold sweat.

"Hey, Ash…"

"Yeah babe?"

"Let's go please."

"Sure thing"

The first place we went to was the local diner. It's kind of hard to remember to eat when you're having sex for the first time or getting hounded the next morning. I think it was when we stepped into that diner that it actually occurred to me how small Macomb really was. Every one stared at us through the windows as we got out of the truck. As Ashley held the door open for me, the whole of the place seemed to gasp in unison. We must of stood there for a whole five minutes before anyone even offered to seat us. The waitress appeared.

"Yall eatin here or to go."

"Cut the crap Sherry, I been livin here all my life. You know me and we'll take my usual table. "

"Well go on then, you know where it is."

Ashley put her arm around my waist and we walked over to the table. I guess Ashley and I sitting in the same booth was the last straw for the owner because Sherry reappeared.

"I'm sorry girls but Moe told me to ask yall to leave."

"What the hell for"

"C'mon Ash , let's just go."

"Naw Spence, I think this fine lady here owes us an explanation as to why we're being thrown out at least."

"This is a family place is all."

"Well Sherry, I always considered Spencer my family."

"Don't make this harder than it has to be Ashley."

"No Sherry tell me why. At least be woman enough not to lie to my face."

"You want truth?"

" That's what I just said aint it?"

"The whole town know what yall doin. Look at you dressing in your Daddy's clothes , with your manly little haircut, opening doors like you somebody's man. Girl I don't know if you forgot but that's a cat you got between your legs and till you act like it aint nobody gonna allow you in their place. And you…you used to be the sweetest girl"

"Ma'am , I do believe you just insulted my lady here", Ashley said standing up" and for that, I'm gonna kick your ass."

"Ashley, your ribs."

"Don't worry Spence, I will have knocked her clean out before she even gets a lick off of me."

"Bring it on, little man"

"Sherry! That's enough" Mo said coming out of the kitchen.

"Ashley, Spencer Leave before I call the sheriff."

Hungry and tired we left. The only place left was the McDonalds a few miles out of town. Nobody wanted this new defined 'us'. There was no place for a love like ours in Macomb. The sad thing is, I think Ashley knew it too.

We retreated back to Kyla's. She wasn't too happy to hear that Ashley had never 'gotten around to taking me to church'. I knew my grandmother and my momma would be back in the morning to get me but I just wanted to spend one night with Ashley in a place where we were welcome. Maybe I was foolish but I knew I'd never be able to get enough of the way her arms felt around me, or the way the crook of her neck smelt like peppermint.

When the moon was still high in the sky, a rough pair of hands grabbed me and pulled me forward. It took a minute to shake the sleep out of my eyes and to realize what was going on.

"Get off of me, who are you!"

"Spence….what the hell? Hey let go of her man."

"Help Ash…"

Another man stormed in the room and grabbed Ashley.

"Ashley Davies, you are under arrest for the kidnap and statutory rape of Spencer Carlin, you have the right to remain silent. Anything you say can and will be…"

"She didn't do anything wrong…let her go she didn't do anything, I'm here because I want to be."

The man carried me out to his car where I saw Kyla sitting handcuffed on the ground. He threw me roughly into the backseat and we drove off.

////////////

I thought he was taking me to jail but instead he drove me straight to my grandmother's house. At first I refused to get out of the car only to have him reach in and drag me out. Next I refused to walk , no problem, he carried me. When my grandmother yelled at me and asked if I was ashamed of myself I refused to speak. She slapped me until my lip busted.

I knew she was crazy, we all knew that, if I had any hope of making the situation any better then I would be best off talking to my mother. I tried it.

"Momma, what's going on? Why was Ashley arrested?"

"Oh Spencer I didn't wanna it to come to this but you've been so out of control lately. Perhaps it's my fault, letting you sit up there at that damn hospital for nearly two weeks."

"Out of control, how am I out of control?"

"How?' she was screaming then "Spencer you haven't been to school in nearly a month. When you were going, you were skipping for half the day. When you were there, you were mouthing off and stirring up fights!! And you ask me how are you out of control? Your poor grandmother had to walk in on you having….with that girl."

"We weren't having sex, Jesus!"

"Yeah well you hadn't to long finished, the room smelled like fucking. Spencer we can't take it anymore. You're on the first flight to New York tomorrow morning. I've got a friend up there says he'll take you in."

"Momma you can't!"

"It's done child! Go to your room and pack."

"Paula, you didn't even yell at her about that backwards fornicatin' she done with that girl"

"I won't press charges. You can't make me."

"Spencer you are a minor, I can press charges for you."

"I won't cooperate"

"That's enough child," my grandmother's hand flew across my face" get upstairs."


	13. Chapter 12

I racked my brains for ways that Ash and I could overcome the charges, but truth was truth. She was eighteen going on nineteen and I was only seventeen. They could lock her up for years I heard my mother say. Kyla had been handcuffed for refusing to cooperate; apparently she'd tried to fight the officer. Of course he immediately phoned Children's Services. She would be forced to live with her dad.

It's strange how quickly the sun can set on a perfectly good life, leaving only darkness in its wake. Sleep refused to come to me that night. I was left only with my thoughts and memories. Morning came to quickly . I hadn't packed a thing the night before hoping to stall. My grandmother stormed into to my room at first light. Without a word to me she began opening my drawers and throwing my clothes onto the floor. "Pack." She said roughly and that's what I did. I grabbed my suitcase from the closet . I hadn't had to use it since me a momma moved to Macomb ten years before. As my grandmother threw stuff to the floor, I hastily picked it up and flung it into the suitcase.

After we'd stuffed everything we could in there, my grandmother picked it up and tossed it down the stairs. " We'll mail you the rest" she'd said. I never got any of it though. The ride from the house to the airport was long, Macomb was fifty miles south of Atlanta. Neither of them walked me into the crowded airport, they handed me my ticket, threw my suitcase on the cur and pulled off. My mother had tried to kiss me goodbye but my grandmother firmly reminded me that if she said goodbye then she'd never be able to let me go.

////////////////////////

Arthur Medici , a name which hence forth will be synonymous with family. He became that for me. From the first day I landed in New York up until now, he'd cared for me like a father. The warm smell of his cologne, his thick French accent, and wrinkly eyes all became the familiarities of home. I instantly fell in love with his hurried words and his ever smiling face.

"Hi, ok, you are Spencer no? Yes, I recognize you from picture. Do you know me, of course not, I not see you since you were bun in the oven. I am Arthur. Ok, introduction for later yes? Come, let's go."

On the way o his home, he talked to me like he had known me all of my life.

"Spencer, you're going to love it at my home. I live in Manhattan, did you know this? I do, you know. I have a uh…fille, you know the uh…like you" (fille: daughter)

I learned very quickly that Arthur spoke very little English.

"You do not talk much, or is that you are…how they say…sad, yes, that is it. You are sad. I know this because of why you are sent to me. Not to worry, I take care of you. It is true, you do not know me that well, but I tell you this. I love you already."

I felt the tears begin to trickle down my cheeks.

"Oh no bella. I did not mean for you to cry at this, do not worry,I know what to do, yes. " He leaned across the taxi and hugged me. At first I resisted but I ended up collapsing on his shoulder. I fell asleep as he whispered "Ne pleure pas mon enfant" . (do not cry my child)

/////////////////

H shook me awake as we arrived at an elegantly styled apartment building. The doorman, astute in his mannerisms , greeted Arthur in French.

"Bon après-midi M. Medici . Le temps est beau, n'est-ce pas?" (Good afternoon Mr. Medici. The weather is lovely isn't it?)

"Oui, je pourrais faire une promenade. This is Spencer, she will be living with Carmen and I." He smiled as he introduced me. (Yes, I might go for a walk)

"I'll make a note of it sir."

"Eh Paul, could you call for someone to get Spencer's luggage out of the taxi?"

"Yes sir"

Arthur and I walked in and boarded an elevator. He resumed his conversation.

"You are going to love Carmen. She is your age, did you know that? Well she is. "

"Um..Arthur, aren't you going to press a button."

He chuckled.

" Vous etes si malin. Vous remarquez que tous les. This elevator is only for Carmen and I to use. I had them put it in when I had the building renovated. It has heat sensors built into the interior. Whenever someone enters it eh…starts , how they say….at once." (You are so smart. You notice everything.)

The elevator came to a stop. The door opened inside of a huge room at the end of which was a fire place. There walls were a roasted orange color, the furniture, scarlet. There stood a spiral staircase in the center of the room. Each carpeted step, was trimmed in silver embroidery. Handmade, surely. All in all, it was absolutely breathtaking.

"You love it, I can see it in your eyes. I knew you would."

"Papa?"

"Oui, Carmen come. I have brought her home with me. Come and meet her."

A girl, ran hurriedly down the stairs. She ran at us, she hugged Arthur. When she finally released him, she stepped towards me.

"Hi, I'm Carmen. You must be Spencer."

I was about to move back to shake her hand when she grasped me in tight hug.

"I'm going to show her to her room , okay Papa?"

"Yes, this is good. Je vais avoir une baignoire. Vous savez comment l'equitation dans les taxis,je me sens sale." ( I am going to take a bath, you know riding in taxis makes me feel dirty)

"Je vous aid it d'appeler une voiture" ( I told you to call a car)

"And I should have listened to you."

"Come on Spencer." Carmen grabbed me by arm and drug me towards the stairs.


	14. Chapter 13

My room was larger than what I was used to. The walls were black and foreign. I had stretched out on the bed and had decided that I would do nothing but stare at the ceiling, when Carmen came in.

"Hey um, I was just dropping off your stuff."

"Thanks."

"Mind If I sit for a bit. "

"No, go ahead" I settled back onto the large bed and commenced staring at the ceiling.

"When I said sit, I meant talk. It's okay if you don't want to, I could just go."

"No, I'm sorry."

"Is there something wrong"

"Nah, I just miss home a whole lot"

"I get that. New York is a hard place to digest."

"And here I had you and Arthur pegged for true born New Yorkers."

"I was born in Barcelona and I spent most of my child hood in Paris."

"Spain huh? "

"Yea, that's where my mom was from. Papa travels a lot for work and he and met my mom there."

Carmen opened a locket around her neck . Inside it was a picture of a woman.

"Wow your mom is beautiful"

"Yeah she was."

"Was?"

"Yea, she died when I was nine. That's why me and papa moved to Paris, it was closer to his family."

"I'm sorry"

"It's cool, so what's your story?"

"I can guarantee it's nowhere near as interesting is yours."

"Try me."

"Well I was born in Brooklyn and lived there until I was seven, then me and my momma moved to Macomb to live with my grandmother."

"See, you're the only New Yorker in the room. Why'd you guys ever move?"

"Money problems , at least that's what momma says."

"Your accent is adorable"

"I like yours better."

"I didn't think I had one."

"You do but it's hard to pick up on. When you speak French with your dad, you have a French accent. When you speak to me…I don't know."

She laughed.

"You should tell papa that, he thinks my French is horrible."

"Heck I was impressed. Do you speak it fluently?"

"Yep."

"How long did it take you to learn"

"I don't know, it was the only language I spoke back home."

"But you said your father thinks your French is bad."

"He does, French is my second language."

"Huh?"

"Spanish is my first language, French is my second, English is my third."

" That is truly impressive, How many languages does Arthur speak?"

"Seven: French, Spanish, Italian, German, English, Sign Language, and one African Dialect."

" That is unreal."

"Languages are his life. He's a translator."

"But his English is so…" I stopped myself before I said something rude. She laughed again.

"It's okay. My father could speak English perfectly all the time if he wanted to. He says that most people learn English and forget their native tongue, like English strips them of their culture. Speaking Broken English is his way of holding on to his culture. When he's at work though, his English is impeccable. "

"Is that why he speaks so much French around the house?"

"Yep, I wouldn't be surprised if you learned a new language or two while living here."

We went on talking like that for hours. She told me that I had to go to school with her the next day. Apparently Arthur had arranged everything except for my uniforms. Until mine came, I would be wearing some of Carmen's.

/////////////////////

I woke up in the morning and headed to the bathroom. When got back to my room, I saw that Carmen had laid out one of her uniforms for me. I got the shirt and the skirt on alright, but I had never tied a tie in my life. I went across the hall and knocked on Carmen's door. A strange voice answered.

"Enter"

I walked in to see a blonde boy and girl sitting patiently in Carmen's lounge area.

"Hey um I was looking for Carmen"

"Hey Spencer…I was wondering when you'd make your way over here.'

"Not a moment to late either because she clearly needs fashion tips" the blonde boy said.

"Ignore the diva Spencer, he has no manners. Have some crapes" she said pointing to a table with dozens of dainty looking pastries on it.

"Don't be telling people to ignore me bitch, I'm Conner"

"She doesn't care." The girl said, finally speaking up.

"Oh and that poorly dressed thing over there is my sister, Jon."

"I um need help tying my tie."

Carmen came out of her closet and stood there staring at me.

"Come with me Spence."

She pulled me into the closet.

"You have to jazz the uniform up a bit Spence."

She unbuttoned my shirt three buttons, and hiked the skirt up so that half of my high was showing.

"Conner! Get in here and help me with Spencer."

Conner came rushing into the closet. He stood back surveying me for me a minute or two. I was more than a little uncomfortable and he could sense it.

"Don't be nervous love bug, I don't like the taco. Bowtie for this one Car, and maybe some fishnets. Do you still have those spectator pumps?"

They held up different colored bowties to my face.

"Oooh this one brings out her eyes, what do you think Connie?"

"Definitely, now all we need to do is…" he ruffled his fingers through my hair " there, perfect."

"Sexy, how does she look to you Connie?"

"Hmmm, I know how to find out. Jon!!!! Come here for a mili-sec!"

"How does she look?" Carmen asked her.

"Beautiful." Her eyes held mine.

"Translation, you so wanna do the lesbo tango with her. Looks like our work is done Car."

////////////////////////////////

There was a limo waiting outside to take us to school. I was trying to hide my excitement, I had never ridden in one before. Conner and Carmen talked the whole way there. Jon just stared out of the window.

"Spencer stop staring at my sister."

" I wasn't"

"Whatever."

"I wasn't" Was I?


	15. Chapter 14

The school was larger than anything I'd seen at home. It consisted of two large Victorian styled buildings. The sidewalk and stairs in front of the building was swarming with people. The limo came to a stop. Carmen and Conner hopped immediately. I stared uneasily at Jo to see what she would do. She lid out easily and held her hand in to help me out of the car as well.

"Well Spence this is it, St. Pius."

"It looks...."

"Scary, yeah I know" Jon said completing my sentence.

"Yeah, how do you guys find your way around this big place."

"You get used to it lover, where should she go Car? The office maybe?"

"Yeah, they should have your schedule waiting for you at the desk when you get in there Spencer. Shoot, you don't know how to get there do you? Um, Connie how can we explain it?"

"Look for a fat older woman with a mole on her lip"

"Hey, you guys go ahead, I'll show her", Jon said staring straight at me.

"You sure Jon, I mean I can do it she is practically like my sister."

"No, you go ahead, I got her."

"Do you mind Spence?"

"No not at all, Carmen I 'll be fine."

"Mmmhmmm, didn't you see the way they were looking at each other in the car?"

Jon just smiled at me

"C'mon Spencer" she took my hand and lead me up the steps.

"Thank you for volunteering to show me around, I didn't want to burden any one."

"It's no problem, I remember what it's like to be the new kid in a place."

"Really?"

"Yeah"

As we walked through the spacious hallways, Jon explained that she and Conner were from Paris like Carmen and Arthur. Apparently, they had known each other there. Carmen moved to New York two years after Jon and Conner.

"So do you guys live in Mr. M's building?'

"No, our father owns one a couple of blocks away."

"Wow, does everyone in New York own a building besides me?"

"No, a here there's some kid who did his thing one time and he doesn't own a building either."

I laughed

"You have a really nice smile kiddo. You should how it off more often."

'Thank you"

When we got to the office I walked to the desk to speak to the receptionist.

"Um, excuse me ma'am. I'm Spencer Carlin and I'm new here. I was told that you'd have a schedule waiting for me."

The woman continued to stare down at the book that she was reading.

"Did you hear what I said ma'am"

"Yes I did but nowhere in that sentence did I hear a question. "

I could hear Jon sigh behind me.

"Listen, Mrs. H. Do you have Spencer's schedule?"

"Jon, hi. I never see you anymore. How's that handsome brother of yours?"

"He's fine Mrs. H but the schedule?"

"Oh um, yes here it is. Be sure to tell him that his old job is waiting whenever he gets ready."

"I will"

I took the schedule and Jon and I made our way down the hall.

"Conner used to work in the office?"

"Yea, he was junior receptionist of the year."

"Wow that is quite the accomplishment."

She laughed/.

"Trust me it isn't, it's stapling papers and answering phones turned into a class."

"Okay, I take that back."

The bell rang loudly

"So what's your first period?"

I looked at the piece of paper in my hand.

"Economics."

'Ouch, that lady's a real hard ass, no worries though"

" And why is that?"

" I have that class first too, so I'll protect you"

I liked Jon's charm. I loved the way sh flirted with me so openly, she seemed so confident. I had never really looked at her but when I took the chance to , I must admit I liked what I saw. The way her tie hung loosely under her collar and the way the sleeves of her sweater were hiked up really....i don't know, got to me?

"Will you really?"

"Definitely, c'mon it's this way."

I followed her to the classroom

/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Jon wasn't kidding when she had said the teacher as tough. The woman began the class with a forty five minute lecture I talking in class was a sign of mediocrity of the mind. I had chosen a seat all the way in the back o the class and Jon sat to my right. The things the teacher taught, when she finally got to it, confused me a little and I really had to pay attention. Jon, on the other hand, volunteered to answer just about every question and she got it right. That, for the frst time since arriving in New York, reminded me of Ashley. I felt like I would cry then. What had happened to her?


	16. Chapter 16

I felt myself drifting off into space. I no longer cared about the class in which I sat. I had casually put my head on my desk. I guess I never noticed when the teacher stopped teaching to stare at me.

"You are new here are you not Ms…." She paused looking down at the roll on her desk" Carlin?"

"Um Yea.."

"So I'm assuming that where you come form it is appropriate to sleep in a classroom?"

"I wasn't asleep"

"Ms. Desargues please explain to Ms. Carlin how we answer questions in this classroom." I looked over at Jon only to see her shaking her head.

"We answer the question that was asked us . We offer the answer and only the answer. If we aren't sure of the answer we make it that known clearly and concisely."

"Lets try again Ms. Carlin, Was it or was it not appropriate to sleep in class where you used to live?"

"Um…no it wasn't"

"Am I to assume then, that you are aware of typical classroom etiquette? "

"Yea I guess so."

"Ms. Desargues?"

"Either you know definitively or you don't know definitively."

"Try again Ms. Carlin."

"Yes, I am."

"Are you sure Ms. Carlin?"

"Yea I just said…"

"Ms. Desargues?"

"In saying that you are aware of classroom etiquette you are confirming your actions as deliberate thus you understand that you were deliberately being rude."

"Ms. Carlin, Ms. Desargues you are dismissed; Detention promptly after the last bell."

Jon immediately began gathering her things to leave. I hadn't a clue what was going on so I did the same thing. We both, under the scornful glaze of the teacher made our way out of the classroom.

"What was that about?"

"I told you she was tough."

"You also said you'd protect me, way to switch teams back there"

"I think you're forgetting that I was ousted from the class too"

"I still haven't figured that part out."

We saw a teacher approaching us, Jon grabbed my hand and pulled me in the opposite direction down the hall.

"Where are we going?"

"Library."

I allowed myself to be pulled for a minute. Jon stopped.

"What now?"

She reached and grabbed my books out of my arms.

"Now we can go."

We reached the library and Jon marched forward like she knew exactly where she was going. She pulled me to a corner table before dropping our books in one heavy thump.

"Aren't we going to get in trouble? Back at my old school the librarian was a real nag about passes and things like that. Where is the librarian anyway?"

"You're looking at her."

"You?! " I began to laugh.

"What ?"

" It just fits you. Ive only met you today and already I feel like im being swallowed by your mystery."

She lifted one eyebrow at me.

"We should sit." She said as she pulled out a chair for me. I sat slowly.

"You have questions, I can see it on your face. I saw it on your face in class. I knew you were thinking something important and I didn't want to disturb you."

She turned to the shelf directly behind our table and pulled out an old looking book.

" No one has asked you what you are doing here. It has only been a couple of days but I admit I'm curious."

"Oh no, I know almost nothing about you and every time I try to ask you avoid the question and now you want me to spill my guts to you."

"Yes."

With that I burst into fits of laughter. I expecting her to combat my accusation with some sort of defense instead she admitted it.

"Wow Jon"

"I'm a private person."

"And I'm not?"

"I haven't the slightest idea, that's why im asking. I would like to get to know you better."

"I'm seeing someone."

"You're strange."

"I'm strange? Please explain how you came to that conclusion oh great Jon queen of normalcy."

"You act as if you are private when you are asked questions, but in response to the questions you offer some obscure piece of information. When someone has recognized the things you do and says something about it, you get angry."

"What is that supposed to mean?!"

"Exactly what I said"

" I obviously don't understand what you just said!"

"You obviously weren't listening."

The thing that bothered me more than her clipped statements was her face. She was perfectly calm, her voice stayed perfectly leveled. She wasn't the slightest bit affected by the situation. I stared into her eyes and it was like she was hypnotizing me almost. I felt myself leaning in closer to her and she hadn't moved. Before I knew it I felt the words creeping their way up my throat.

"I'm here because I fell in love with my best friend and I was willing to give everything for that. That's a lie. Her dad beat on her, my grandmother hates me. My mom doesn't have a mind of her own anymore. I hated my school so much that I wanted to die but I kept going anyway. I don't like men but I was willing to stay with my boyfriend. I denied something I felt so strongly for so long that it almost ate me up inside. When I finally let it out, spoke the words it was to late. My world came crashing down and with it the world of my best friend. Now she sits in some prison cell but only God knows where. I thought about her the first time since I've been here in class. I won't beat myself up about it because it's been two days. Two fucking days okay and I'm allowed to take time to get my mind together. The truth is I don't think I want to call her because I'm so afraid that she's not okay and I can't deal with that and it makes me feel horribly." I took deep breaths; I was crying I knew it. I felt light headed, swooning even.

She just stared at me. She didn't say anything she didn't move. I got up from my chair and moved over to her. She scooted back just far enough to allow me to ease myself into her lap. I burrowed my face in her neck. I'm not sure how long we sat there but it felt okay, not right, but okay. Around her time became sand in my hands, no matter how tightly I tried to hold onto it some of it always slipped through my fingers. Despite the leaden cloud of ambiguity that hovered over us , I think I knew that she cared . No, I think I knew that she was safe, unfeeling, unbiased, a constant truth by which I could live steadily. She didn't hold onto me. It wasn't that. She was a leather chair, faithful, long lasting and unmoving.

"Jon, are you in here? "

I moved off of her.

"Excuse me for a moment." She walked away from me and into the open space at the front of the library. I followed.

"Yes, I am."

"I was hoping maybe that book you'd ordered for me had come in."

"No, it hasn't. I'm sorry."

"Oh…um, were you alone in here?"

"No."

It was nice to see Jon interact with other people. She was the same mostly. The girl was inquiring but Jon was shutting her down with her one worded answers.

"Was there something else?"

"Oh no, just…do you think that I could sit in here and read for a bit?"

"Do you have a pass?"

"No, I don't.. I should go shouldn't I ?"

"That would probably be best."

The girl backed away from Jon as f she were afraid of turning her back on her. Jon watched to make sure she exited completely.

'You really are the librarian aren't you?"

"Yes, I am ."

"How'd that happen?"

"Have I not been clear about my personal business?"

"Oh, Yea… I'm, wow sorry."

"Are you going to need me still?"

'Well I was hoping I could sit… like I was before?"

"Yes, where did you want me?"

"Anywhere."

She walked back to the table and say in her chair, and I sat on top of her.


	17. Chapter 17

As it turns out Jon and I had missed the rest of first and second period. As we walked down the corridor to meet Carmen and Conner, all I could think about were the lazy days I spent with Ashley in the back of her truck. I knew that lunch time in New York would be way different than lunch in Macomb but it wasn't at all like I suspected. Kids with a father like Arthur didn't eat lunch on campus, that was a given. What, though, do you get with a school full of kids like that? We stepped outside the front door and limos lined the sides of the street for as far back as the eye could see. The sidewalk was littered with a sea of people. Carmen and Conner sat at the bottom of steps as we approached. I thought that maybe we would call to them but instead Jon kept walking. I followed. She stopped suddenly when she reached them and stood at their backs. I stood their too. Carmen stood and engulfed me in a huge hug.

"Spencer, how is your day going? Has Jon been helpful?"

"Yeah, everything has been great, Jon has been great."

Carmen looked at me strangely.

"Really? Good for you Jon."

I looked to see Jon staring over our heads and into the crowd. Carmen gently turned her face towards us.

"Good for you Jon" she said slowly and deliberately. Jon looked at Carmen before turning to stare at nothing again.

"So Spence, me and Conner were thinking that maybe we'd go by his dad's restaurant for lunch today?"

"Alright bitches I heard my name."

"I was just telling Spencer aabout our lunch plans."

"Oh well is that okay with her?"

"Don't be that way Conner."

"What way?'

"Conner"

"Fine, is it cool with you Spencer?" he said rolling his eyes.

"Yea, I mean it's cool."

"Ooo I see Paul, lets go."

We pushed our way through the people to reach the car. Conner and Carmen sat on one side and I was forced to sit next to Jon. She stared out of the window and I stared at her.

"So Jon it seems new girl can't keep her eyes of you. What kind of spell do you have this one under?"

Jon turned to meet my eyes and then she took my hand into hers before drifting away again. Her hand was soft. I could feel every bone, every vein. I was entranced by how delicate she felt, not at all what I expected.

"Oh god Jon let her go before she faints!" Conner said with a laugh.

"Leave them alone Connie, I think its good for Jon. Right Jon? Good for you."

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Conner and Jon's dad had money. Not money like Arthur, but money just the same. The restaurant was elegant to say the least. It was one of the places that made you feel embarrassed to use too many small words in one sentence. Even in the uniform I felt severely underdressed.

"So Spencer, I'm not sure how you feel about Italian cuisine, but Mr. D makes the best eggplant parmesan I have ever tasted."

"It sounds lovely."

"You have no idea what that is do you love? Wow. What do you hillbillies eat?"

Jon and I were still holding hands I decided to focus on that instead of on Conner's insults. There was a line of people waiting to be seated. I looked at them in shock as we walked pass.

"Daddy isn't fond of walk ins ..it's hard to be serviced if you don't have a reservation." Conner said haughtily.

We were seated at a table near the kitchen and menus were sat in front of us immediately. It was written entirely in Italian. I stared at it for a couple of minutes, I didn't want to alert Conner to the fact that I wasn't as affluent as everyone else at the table seemed to be. Jon, who was seated next to me and whose hand was still firmly in mine, turned to stare at me.

"Point to it and I will translate for you." She whispered quietly.

I pointed to the first thing I saw. She leaned in her lips brushing my ear slightly

"Insalata Caprese. Salad from the Island of Capri. It's absolutely ghastly. Next."

I , barely able to lift my hand , picked some random thing.

"Rigatoni Desargues. My fathers own brand of rigatoni. Conner's favorite."

I immediately picked something else.

"Mostaccioli. Simply ziti, cheese and marinara sauce. You'll like it."

I laughed.

"So why is it thirty two dollars?"

"It's thirty two dollars because I import all of my ingredients from Italy."

"Dad."

"Jon. What do we have here, three usuals and what for you sweetheart."

"Um, ma-ma… Masto…?"

"Mostaccioli." Jon said.

"Alright, guys and um I'll have the chef bring out some cokes or something. That fine with you sweet heart?"

"Yes sir."

"Wow, 'sir'. I like you."

The man smiled broadly at me before disappearing into the kitchen again.

"Why are you two always touching?"

"Connie…"

"No I want to know, they just met today Carmen."

Jon looked away, but didn't let go of my hand. Conner dropped the subject and the food came. Jon didn't eat.


	18. Chapter 18

Jon and I had detention after school but Conner and Conner went to hang out at Carmen's. The walk back to the economics classroom was silent and uncomfortable even though Jon held my hand the entire way. When we reached the classroom, we saw not the icy woman from earlier but a man of t least forty standing at the board.

"Lets see, Jon Desargues and Spencer Carlin? I'm Mr. Sumter, the discipline coordinator. You girls are early the rest should be joining us in a little while."

Jon and I moved to the back of the classroom and sat down next to each other. Slowly more students began to file in. No one looked like they wanted to be there. Mr. Sumter called roll . There were thirty people in attendance.

"Okay guys, I've seen many of you before but for those of you who have managed to stay the course thus far, my name is Mr. Sumter. I am the discipline coordinator and despite my oh so handsome face" he paused for someone to laugh, no one did "I run a tight ship. Some of you are new to St. Pius but that is okay. It is not too late to turn your lives around. Detention isn't the end of your worlds guys...there is light at the end of this tunnel."

He droned on like that for the remainder of the detention period. Three hours of "inspiration". Jon stared ahead and I couldn't help staring at her. She took out one of her notebooks and scribbled a note.

"Why do you always look at me that way?" she wrote in handwriting so perfect it scared me.

"Because you fascinate me", I wrote and discreetly slid the note onto her desk. She read it and continued to stare.

I tried to turn my attention towards the man but, having Jon that close to me was quite the distraction. After detention had ended, Jon and I walked to the library. Inside of the library, Jon showed me to the table that we'd sat at earlier.

"It gets pretty busy in here after school so I'll have to stand at the desk." She didn't wait for me to acknowledge what she said before she turned to go the desk at the front of the library. I sat there alone for a while before I decided to venture to the front myself. I was surprised by what I saw. Jon was standing behind the desk with a stack of ancient looking books in front of her. She had opened one and seemed to be repairing the cover. In front of the desk sat at least ten girls all watching in awe as she worked. I moved to sit with them. From afar it was difficult to understand thei fascination but once I had seated myself I knew. Her delicate hands worked swiftly as she stripped the book of its old cover and dutifully added another. She then picked up a needle and threaded it in one try. This earned her a gasp from her audience. She swiftly worked the pages back together, weaving in and out until they were together again. She finished the process by adding a new label and scan card. We must have spent hours watching her do that over and over again. Each time it seemed more exciting . Suddenly she paused. Every one waited with anticipation. She removed her jacket and folded it neatly.

"Spencer would you mind holding this for me?" she asked. I didn't even know she'd realized that I was watching her but it didn't matter. I got up so quickly that it made me a little dizzy. I almost ran to her to accept the jacket. As I returned to my seat I knew that I was that I had captured the envious eye of every girl in the room. I held the jacket to my nose it smelled warm and direct...maybe like cinnamon. The girl next to me almost had a heart attack.

"I am done for today. I have to close the library now." All of the girls got up and gathered their things to leave. I walked over to Jon and handed her the jacket at which time she grabbed my hand and kissed it. I felt faint at heart and the surety of step began to falter. She noticed the way she had moved me and offered her arm to steady me.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

I couldn't believe how late it was when Jon and I finally got back to Arthur's. After everyone had left we'd stayed and just talked. I talked and she listened. When the elevator doors opened Conner was standing there with his tie in his hand.

"Well, well, well look who finally made it back. Is detention really that much fun?"

I walked passed him, pulling Jon with me. We made our way upstairs and into my room.

"Where do you want me?"

"On the bed." She took off her shoes and stretched ou on my bed. I laid beside her, my head resting gently on her shoulder. It was peaceful and I was just about to fall asleep when Carmen came in. I jumped up.

"Spencer, you didn't come over and say hi when you got in."

"I thought you'd be asleep."

"I waited on you, and Jon? Conner went home I think."

Jon just stared at her.

"Jon, Conner went home. Do you hear me?"

"I am going to sleep here."

"Oh well did you want me to set the guest room up for you or did you want to use the pull out down stairs?"

"I am going to sleep here" Jon said again.

"Spencer can I speak with you in my room?"


	19. Chapter 19

I got up and followed Carmen across the hall. Once we were inside she closed the door behind us.

"Spencer what happened today with you and Jon?"

"Nothing."

"There is something you need to know about her. She's not like everyone else."

"I noticed."

"She has ...a condition that prevents her from functioning like you and I . "

"Okay..."

"You might want to sit down."

I sat down on her bad.

"Carmen just tell me."

"Have you ever heard of Kanner's Syndrome ?"

"No, what is it?"

"It's a rare form of Autism."

"What is autism?"

"It means that Jon...has trouble grasping abstract concepts like emotion and social interaction."

"Oh...oh."

"Conner, their parents and I are the only ones that know."

"Why are you telling me this?"

"I can see the way that you look at her and thats okay" she moved to touch my leg "she can't um...she can't see you the way you see her. I know you saw the girls in the library. I don't want you to end up like them. I don't want you to fall in too deeply because she won't be able to 'feel' it back."

" You're telling me she can't feel."

"No I'm saying she doesn't understand how to feel. She may feel the things, but we'll never know because she doesn't understand her feelings enough to show us."

"She..."

'You've just met her today. She has this affect on a lot of people, but now you know what you're seeing. Now you can understand the things she is saying and the way she behaves."

///////////////////////////////

I suppose I could see it. I suppose I understood. I suppose I even appreciated what Carmen had told me but I won't lie and say that it helped. When I was pulled away from Ashley it left such a big hole in my heart I just needed someone to cleave to. Jon was there. It was like she fit into me so perfectly. She just reached inside of my chest and massaged my heart and made me feel better. I admit I was like clay in that girls hands, and a part of me knew instantly that she was incapable of loving me like Ashley. That was the best part to me. Ashley was so volatile and human. Her face, her voice, even the way she touched me screamed imperfection. I loved her for it all though. I knew that everyday where ever she was she's be missing me and it was too much pressure. I still felt the fire of our night together, and that mixed with the pain of longing for her would eat me up inside. Jon came into my life and rained down ice....soothing ice. When I turned the page on her chapter of my life, she would keep going , steady as always. Her touches were glass;her eyes, empty. Even as her fragile hand remained in mine as the months stretched on , we moved in pattern. Every day with her healed me with its sameness. I never let my conversation with Carmen affect us and Carmen just let us be. Months unfolded into a year.. a year with Jon and without Ashley. Peace. Conner started to ignore me just as he did Jon for the most part and that was comfortable.

"Spencer... a letter for you." Arthur yelled up the stairs. I grabbed my robe and rushed down to get it. He was often out on business and it would be Carmen and I's first day seeing him in two weeks.

"Thanks Arthur." I said kissing him on the cheek. Carmen rushed down the stairs and jumped into his arms. A man of fifty or so years and he held her as if it were nothing. I retreated to my room wear Jon awaited me, still in bed. I climbed over her to my side of the bed.

"I got a letter, want me to read I to you?"

"Yes"

I opened it without even bothering to look to see who it was from.

"Okay, here is goes....

_Spencer,_

_I hope you have been comfortable up there with Arthur. I knew he would be good for you. Ashley's court date is comin up soon. They gonna need you to testify. You aint got to if you dont want to but it's the only chance you'll have of getting her out. I know I over reacted about things and I am so sorry. Your grandmother wont have me dropping the charges though so it's in the Lords hands. Speaking of the lord, everyone misses you at church...especially Aiden and his family. I can't tell you how many times that boy has come knocking on our front door apologizing and wanting to know where you are. Forgive him Spencer, the Lord has. _

_Arthur's been telling me about how well you've been doing in school and I want you to know I'm proud of you. I guess in a funny sort of way this whole thing has worked out. I know the reasoning was bad but I'm glad you got to see how the other half lives. Besides, you had to learn that there was more to the world than Ashley Davies. I wish you could have seen the way you looked at that girl. You would have followed her anywhere. She's a good girl Spence, but she's aiming for the sky baby and your dreams are in the stars. Remember that time when you were twelve and Ashley got the chicken pocks and you slept with her until she got better? I had to threaten you with the belt to get you out of there and even then you wouldn't budge. I guess I knew then where your heart was, I was in denial. You have to understand though, there is a whole world between knowing something to be true in theory and seeing it with your own eyes. You definitely made a believer out of me. _

_Lastly I guess I ought to apologize on behalf of your grandmother. You know she means well, she's just a little rough around the edges. She won't ever admit it, but she misses you. Sometimes she hollers out for you and when she realizes that you're gone she gets real quiet. She doesn't know I know that she cries. I know you think I let her have her way to much, but I'm telling you here and now that when it comes down to it I'll say my peace. Somethings just aint worth arguing about, you know? Well I'm gonna end this but, the court date is January thirtieth. I'm sure that the lawyers will send you something fancy about it later. I love you._

_Your Momma_

_P.S- Keep a place in your life for the Lord. He's gonna make all of this right. You watch and see little girl._

...And just like that we were in Kansas again.


	20. Chapter 20

I was curled up on Jon. She lie there unmoving as usual. I knew she could feel my tears soaking through her shirt but she didn't say anything. I'd let the letter hit the floor. It had been so long since i'd even thought about Ashley. How could I go back to Macomb after so much time had passed.

"I can't go Jon, what am I going to say to them that they don't already know?"

"I don't know the answer"

"Put your arms around me please?"

She moved her arms stiffly around my shoulders. I settled in further.

"Jon have you been to Georgia?"

"No."

"Do you want to go?"

"No"

"I have to go though."

"I didn't get that from what you read. I don't think that you have to go. You can want to or you can not want to."

She was right ofcourse, I could always depend on her to give me the black and white. The truth was always in her. Carmen knocked on the door.

"Come in"

She walked in and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Papa told me that you got a letter from your mother"

"Yea" I pointed to the letter on the floor. She picked it up and read it.

"Who is Ashley?"

"She is Spencer's girlfriend. Spencer's mother entered the room when they were having sex. Ashley is a remedial student who has failed to continue to the next grade level more than once thus she is two years older than Spencer . ..that is Spencer was seventeen while Ashley was nineteen. The law says that no adult may have intercourse with a minor. Because Ashley was and adult legally (if not mentally) and because of the conservative views held by many people in the south including Spencer's mother and grandmother, Spencer's mother charged Ashley with statutory rape as she has the right to do as Spencer's guardian. It is also stated in the law, if not as clearly, that sixteen is the age of consent. Because Spencer had reached the age of consent , she may be able to contest the charges if she makes a statement in Ashley's defense at the trial."

"Wow...um thank you Jon. You don't want to go Spence?"

"Not really"

"Why?"

"Spencer does not want to see Ashley. I have listened but I do not understand why."

"I don't wanna see her because I have finally healed and I don't wanna reopen old wounds." I said as I snuggled further into Jon.

"Spence,you have to. Even if you aren't interested in being with her you have to get her out of there so that she can move on with her life. It's only fair."

"What do you think Jon?"

"I know that when you say her name your eyes change. Your palm sweats. Your heart beats faster. I can feel it now. You change. "

"I get sad"

"I don't understand that, but I know I like it when you smile. It makes my heart beat faster. When you talk about Ashley, when you're sad, you don't smile and that makes my mouth dry. So I think that being near Ashley will make you change and I don't want that. I don't want you to go."

"Look at me Jon." She tilted her head to look in my eyes.

"I don't want to be away from you."

"Why not?"

"Because you're my best friend."

"What makes me better than all of the other ones?"

Carmen laughed.

"She means that you're her favorite Jon, your better because she likes you the best."

"Why?"

"Because you make me smile"

"How?"

"By being yourself." she turned away from me to think for a minute.

"I like you best too."

"Aw Jon...better than me?"

"Yes."

Carmen and I laughed.

///////////////////////////

I'd decided to talk to Arthur about whether or not I should go.

"You want eh...Ashley free yes?"

"Yea I do but I have had so much fun here, It's like I started a new life."

"Look around you mon fille, this is your home. It will always be you home, did you know that? It will be. When I think about this situation, I put myself in your mother's position. I have loved you from day one. I can't imagine not seeing you for one moment not to mention a year. Ce serait comme la mort. ( That would be like death) You have to go to them, because to do anything else would be cruel mon fille. "

He was right. I had to go back. I couldn't face it alone though. I'd have to convince Jon to go with me.

///////////////////////////////////

I walked back up the stairs to Carmen's room, where she , Jon, and Conner had been sitting.

"So...?" Carmen asked me.

"I'm going to go...but I can't go alone." I said looking at Jon who was staring at the wall.

"I'll go with you Spence."

"Yeah girl Car filled me in and I loves the drama. I'll be there." I hadn't him in mind but it would be ok.

"Jon, look at me." She turned to look at me.

"Will you go?"

"I do not want to go but I want to be where you are."

"Will you go then?"

"Yes" she said before staring off into space again. I ran over and hugged her.

/////////////////////////////

We all left a week later. That would give me just enough time to deal with the drama and gossip that would surely surround me so that my head would be clear when I had to face Ashley. Arthur charted a jet to fly us down there. Carmen and Conner were abuzz with excitement but I felt the knots settling into my stomach Jon had her hand in mine and had fell asleep as soon as we took off. There was no one to make me feel better about what I was doing. I was afraid to go to sleep myself because I knew when I opened my eyes we'd be in Atlanta and that would surely freak me out.


	21. Seriously

Okay guys, first let me thankyou all for reading. I need you guys to comment. When you don't , I don't know how i'm doing.I keep getting these notifications that people are adding me to their favorites lists and so on and thats great, but I'd rather the comment. So I was going to sit here and crank out at least three more chapters but I haven't had that great of a response from the last ones so I'm gonna go relaax.


	22. Chapter 22

We landed in a private section of the airport. Our luggage had been handled by people on Arthur's payroll. A limo had been waiting for us along with a separate car for our things. Conner was staring out of the window as we drove down the Atlanta freeway.

"Aw, look Car. They have a little city and everything."

He had been pointing and snapping pictures left and right. If he thought that Atlanta was quaint I wondered what he'd think of Macomb. I knew his chatter wouldn't last. It was three hours till we got to my grandmother's place. After the first hour the complaining began. He wanted water, he had to use the restroom. He couldn't use the ones in the gas stations he passed because they were dirty. Jon, the lucky one, was oblivious to it all while Carmen and I were stuck with him. Carmen tried to coerce him into listening to his Ipod but he wouldn't have it. I took Carmen's idea and applied it to myself. I pulled my Ipod out of my backpack and stretched out across Jon's lap.

When I opened my eyes finally the car had come to a stop. I sat up and outside of the window I saw the familiar sight of my grandmother's yard.

"Why are we stopping? This can't be it."

"Connie just get out of the car."

I had barely adjusted when I heard her.

"Paula they're here."

Carmen was the first one out of the car... a big mistake.

"Who the hell are you?"

"Um..."

"Aw damn, we got ourselves another dumb one Paula."

I decided to get out and rescue Carmen, I knew my grandmother could be a handful.

"Hey Nana."

"I think somethings wrong with your gal pal here, she don't seem to know her own name."

"Nana this is Carmen, Carmen this is my Nana. Everybody just calls her Nana Carlin."

'It's nice to meet you."

My grandmother looked her up and down before spitting in front of her feet. Conner was the next to get out of the car he was complaining and swatting flies that weren't there. He stumbled around the car and towards the house.

"Well by the looks of this place we won't need a reservation. I wonder who owns this trailer park."

"Connie..."

'No I mean Spencer didn't tell us that we'd be living like the natives while we were down here."

"Spencer who in God's name is this prissy mister?"

Conner turned from Carmen and stared at my grandmother long and hard.

"Connie this is Spencer's grandmother..uh Nana Carlin. This is her home."

"Spencer are you serious?" Carmen said turning towards me and flipping his hair. I was shocked because Conner only ever addressed me directly to insult me. I knew that he and my grandmother under one roof for two weeks was going to be interesting. I was afraid that I'd have to say something to dismiss the tension that had settled over the two of them when my mother came out.

"Momma" I ran to hug her. Despite the differences that we'd had before I left for New York, it was definitely good to see her.

"My my, you must be Arthur's baby girl ...Carmen?"

"Yea, I am it's nice to meet you."

"You too. I tell you, you are the spitting image of your daddy. And who is this handsome young man?'

"Mom, this is..." I paused as I remembered Jon. As I walked over to the car I heard Conner shout "Rude much?!"

I opened the door and there she sat staring straight ahead. I grabbed both of her hands and pulled her out of the car.

"C'mon I want you to meet my momma." I held her hand in mine as we walked over to where everyone stood.

"Momma this is Jon. Jon this is my momma." I reached up to gently turn Jon's face towards my mother's.

"Jon. This is my momma."

She offered the hand that wasn't in mine to mother to shake.

"Hello. What do I call you?"

"Paula is fine."

I saw the confusion settling over Jon's face. My mother hadn't answered the question.

"Call her Paula" I said. My mother looked at me with one eye brow raised in curiosity but she didn't say anything.

'Well yall come on in There's a storm brewing out here.." My grandmother was still staring at conner, and he her.

//////////////////////////////////////

Every one was quickly introduced to the Carlin house the right way. My mother and my grandmother had gotten into about who would sleep where. The house had two guest rooms so the pairings were obvious ...or so I thought.

"If it's fine with you Nana Carlin Conner and I don't mind sharing."

"Hmph. I don't know how you feel about the Lord where you come from, but in this house we don't do no fornicatin' "

"Oh no no. I prefer taking mine through the back door if you catch my drift. There shall be no bumping of the uglies between me and that one... so there's no need for you to worry your sweet little head you luscious girl you."

My grandmother's face turned bright red and she was quiet for a moment. I could see her pairing up the scriptures in her head. She took a deep breath and then she let him have it.

"I have never in my life stood for no in-your-face backwards, up the pooper, swaying of the hips, flicking of the wrist, kinda folk in MY house and I'll be damned if I start today. No siree bob...."

It went on...

"Mother he is our guest! What would daddy say if he saw you talking to...."

and on.....

"On no you didn't ! You don't want it with me you prejudiced, mean spirited old geezer. I wish you would..."

and on.....

"Boy I'll break you the right way, bend you right over my knee I will. Get in your ass so fierce you'll walk straight up and down yes you will."

until I decided to grab Jon and Carmen and head for my room.

The three of us changed into our pajamas as they hashed it out downstairs. My bed was smaller than Carmen and Jon were used to. I slept practically on top of Jon leaving Carmen plenty of room. Everything worked out fine as we tried to drown out the yelling below us.


	23. Chapter 23

Morning brought with it silence and Jon soundly asleep beneath me. It had been awhile since iI'd woken up in the old Carlin house. I showered and dressed as quietly as I could before tiptoeing down the stairs. I found my mother sitting at the kitchen table sipping coffee and looking out of the window.

"Good morning baby."

'Hey momma"

'You got anything planned for today?"

"Yea I was gonna show Jon around town."

"Jon huh?"

"I know what you're thinking but I'll tell you right now that it isn't like that. Jon is my friend."

"She's a little strange isn't' she?"

"Everyone's strange Momma."

"I guess..you gonna be needing the car then ?"

"No Arthur arranged for us to have a driver. While we're down here"

"You gonna sure stick it out in that thing."

"We'll be alright."

"You had anyplace special planned?"

"Yeah, the old high school and the library..she has a thing for books."

"Sounds nice, think you can pencil in some time with your Momma?"

"Yea, what'd you have in mind?"

"Nothing wanted to show you somethings"

"Somethings like what Momma?"

"No since in worrying about it now, go on out with your friends and we can talk later."

"Alright...oh and Momma make sure theres some of that coffee down here when Nana gets up or you know she'll throw a fit."

"You better take that Conner out of here with you or she'll be so pissy over that boy that she won't have a lick of time to worry about some coffee."

I laughed and kissed her on her cheek.

///////////////////////////////////////

Upstairs Jon was sitting on the edge of the bed fully dressed. I knelt in front of her.

"Hey you,how long have you been up? I know I wasn't downstairs that long."

"Seven minutes and thirty three, thirty four, thirty five, thirty six...."

I smiled.

"I get it. I didn't mean to wake you up, I tried to be extra careful."

"I felt the cold on my chest when you got up."

"Yeah, it is a bit cool out today but Nana doesn't believe in heat."

"Why?"

'Something about Georgia and it being unnecessary."

"That does not make since"

"That's exactly what I said. Do you wanna go some where with me today."

"Yes."

"Come on." I grabbed her hand and we were about to exit the room when Carmen woke up.

"Where do you two think you're sneaking off to."

"I was going to show Jon around."

"And leave me here with Conner and your grandmother. No way."

"Carmen you know it takes you forever to get dressed."

"It does not."

"Jon, how long does it take her?'

"On average, one hour, twenty three minutes, and seven point five seconds. " I smiled at Carmen smugly.

"There you have it, proof."

"Jon that has to have been one time."

"No I compiled the times from the one thousand, eight hundred and forty three days that I spent in your room waiting on you to finish getting dressed to get my average."

I stuck my tongue out at Carmen.

'Fine, fine, i'll only spend twenty minutes in the shower today gosh."

????????????????????????????????

Jon ,Carmen and I were on way to my old high school. It was during the middle of the school day so we'd have to sit in the library. When the limo pulled into the parking lot I immediately undestood what my mother meant about sticking out. People stopped to see who would get out of the car. We got out and were about to walk in when I saw Aiden's mustang. Just as I was about to warn Carmen and Jon he had pulled in along side us. He stepped out of the care and surveyed me.

"Hey there Spencer."

"Aiden."

"I didn't know you'd be in town."

"It's not like we talk Aiden."

"I know but I figured your momma would have told me. I see her and your Nana all the time at church."

"Good for you."

'Who are your friends?"

"This is Carmen " I said motioning towards Carmen" and this is Jon" I said while raising the hand that was in Jon's.

Aided looke between Jon and I.

"You still a dyke?"

'Yep, you still an asshole?"

"Guess I am."

"Great looks like every thing's right with the world. Come on guys." We began to walk off.

"You aint in New York no more Spence so I suggest you let your buddy's hand go or have you forgotten what I did to your last girly?"

I let Jon's hand go and charged at Aiden.

He caught me and pinned my arms at my side against his Mustang.

"You in Macomb County little darling, my turf. I can do just about any ole thing I want here. You watch yourself you here? Else you'll be going back to New York in pieces." he whispered before licking my cheek. He let me go and as I walked past him he smacked my butt. I knew he was right and that pissed me off more than anything.

I felt so ashamed as I walked back to Carmen and Jon.

"Spencer that guys and ass, how do you know him?"

'I dated him before Ashley"

I couldn't hold the tears back anymore. I looked away from Carmen to see Jon's eyes. She looked so confused. She wiped one if the tears off of my face.

"Tears. You are sad?"

I shook my head a little.

"Why did he do that?"

'He's just a bad person Jon."

"He will be in the school?"

"Yea."

"Then we must not go in there." She pulled me towards the car and Carmen followed. The car ride was silent. I don't know why I thought that Macomb would have changed. It prided itself on holding on to the "real" south. The South that turned a cold shoulder to any body who was different or new. It might have been 2007 in the rest of the world but in Macomb it was still 1967 and it always would be.


	24. Chapter 24

Carmen decided that she had experienced enough of Macomb for one day and that she would be better off at my grandmother's house. After dropping her off, Jon and I headed for the town library. I figured the entire day didn't have to be ruined.

The library turned out to be just the place for Jon. As soon as we walked through the door she began surveying the shelves.

"Hello there Spencer, how may I help you today?"

"Hey Silvia, I'm not looking for anything just wanted to show my friend around a bit."

"Sounds lovely, be sure to holler if you need anything....just what is she doing?"

"Oh um, I'm not sure actually." Jon was circling each shelf, touching the books.

"Honey may I help you with something?"

"No." Jon yelled back without looking at Sylvia.

"Jon, come here. I want you to meet Sylvia."

She walked over to us, her eyes never leaving the spot where she had been standing last.

"Jon this is Sylvia...Sylvia, meet Jon."

Jon surprised me by looking her square in the face before saying:

"Your Dewey Decimal System is off in three sections. The fiction section is in order that I can recognize."

"Oh yeah, I don't bother much with all that stuff. I just put 'em up there any ole way."

"We have to fix them"

"It's fine hon, I assure you. Nobody really strays over to the fiction, know what I mean?"

"No, I don't. Allow me to order them for you." It was more of a command than a question, and just like everyone else that I'd seen with Jon, Sylvia gave way to what Jon wanted.

"Spencer, would you hold my jacket?"

I took it from her. She started with the fiction section and worked her way through in meticulously. She began by taking every book of of the shelves and laying in face up on the floor. Then she carefully ordered them by last name. This took about two hours. Sylvia had been so taken aback that all she could do was sit at a table and watch. After she had worked through fiction and re-did it twice -just to be sure, she moved to the reference section and did the same thing. The sun had begun to set outside and she was still hard at work, perfectly content in what she was doing. Sylvia was so wrapped up that she didn't even tell us that she had to close. Jon remembered though.

"The wording on the door says that you close at nine pm, I will let you do that. I've sat twelve books to the side that are in need of new covers, I will come back tomorrow and do that. Spencer, my jacket?"

"Oh yea, here you go"

"I'm going to get in the car now."

"Oh okay." After she had walked away I stared at Sylvia whose mouth was still open.

"She sure is something Spence. Dreamy...just, she said she'll be back tomorrow? "

I laughed.

"Yea, just don't touch the books, she'll be able to tell."

I hugged Sylvia goodbye before heading out of the door to join Jon in the car.

/////////////////////////////////////

When we walked in the house, Carmen was sitting at the table with listening to Conner's Ipod. She couldn't here us but we could here the commotion coming from upstairs. Conner and my grandmother were going at it and loudly. There was a note on the fridge from my mom.

_-Waited for you as long as I could, just couldn't take all that fuss that your Nana and that boy were keeping up. I went to the Diner for pie, left you something on the table._

_-Momma_

I tapped Carmen on the shoulder and she jut pointed to a box at the other side of the table. I picked it up and headed up stairs with Jon.

"What is in the box?'

"I don't know" I said as we snuck past my grandmother and Conner and went in my room. Once the door was closed and Jon and I were seated comfortably on my bed, I opened it. Inside were hundreds of letters. I poured them all out.

"There are three hundred sixty five letters." Jon said immediately and I knew she would be the one to know.

They were all addressed to y grandmother's house. I opened the first one and began to read aloud.

_Dear Spencer,_

_I don't know where they sent you or if you'll even get this but you have been on my mind. It has only been a week since I last saw you and already I feel empty. They sent Kyla to live her aunt up in New York...some woman with a funny last name. Desargues I think it was. Anyway, I wanted you to know that this isn't your fault. In her letter, Kyla said some pretty harsh things about you but the blame ain't yours. Age is a funny thing..the lawyer randomly assigned to my case said that because I'm older than you I could go down for this. He said I could go down for a long time. They trying to pin me with kidnapping you AND Kyla. Can you imagine any one holding Kyla against her will? She would tear them to shreds. Which ever way you flip it, this whole thing ain't nothing but a big heap of fate. That's all it is. Theres been a lot of talk buzzing round my head in just this short time but can't no one convince me that what we did was wrong. They using all sorts of fancy techniques to get me to confess, they say it might even shorten my sentence but I ain't worried. know that love finds a way around all things...even a fate as horrible as ours. If you get this, know that I love you and I don't regret anything about this. If you don't get this, I hope you can some how feel that I love you still. _

_Thinking of you Always-_

_Ashley_

I flipped through every letter, she had sent them all. Three hundred and sixty five, one for almost every day that we had been apart. I felt so guilty.


	25. Chapter 25

_Dear Spence,_

_It's funny what you miss when you've gone some time without it. I have to say I miss a lot of things but mostly I miss you...little things. I miss the way your eyes light up when somethings got your attention. I miss you next to me at night and the way our breathing falls into rhythm when we're together. I miss you and me in the back of my truck doing any ole thing. They've got me in here with the hard core criminals baby . I mean some of these girls have done some really sick stuff...and wouldn't you know it they got me with a chick that up and shot her daddy. We get along fine though, I can understand wanting to kill your old man. She's real nice. She told me right out what she did and why she did it ll honest like . Her daddy had taken to slipping into her bedroom at night and having his way with her. She say he kept it up for six years. Hell, my old man ain't all that but guess I can thank our guy in the stars that I ain't been through something like she has. I told her about our situation....she understands. She's the one who gives me paper to write to you. Her little boy smuggles it in to her along with a fresh pen every now and then. We write together seeing as how neither of us are much interested in leaving the cell. These girls are some serious bad asses and she and I can't tough it out, out there. Besides all that, I'd much rather spend most of my time writing to you because imagining how your face gets when you open 'em makes me smile. I like to pretend I'm right there reading 'em to you and we're holding hands. The lawyers say that I ain't supposed to contact the victim but I can't just let you worry, now can I? Sometimes I wonder if you're even getting theses things. When my spirits gte down thinking about you not getting 'em, I just imagine how romantic it'll be when we're married and we read through them and laugh at all this. So if you're reading this do me a favor and smile...smile nice and big because I'm fine and right along in now that's the best thing you could do for me. Spence...know that I love you._

_Ashley_

_Dear Spencer_

_Remember the first time we kissed? It was the last day of freshman year. I had finally got the engine in my daddy's truck running right and we decided to ditch school to ride around. We drove that thing all the way up to Atlanta...went to the mall. You were excited because I had never been to one. I had no money so I was embarrassed. They had so many fancy things there and they were so pretty. I wanted to buy you all of it but I had to settle on getting you a cookie. I remember how big you smiled when I bought you that cookie..Spence I thought you would cry. Instead you pulled me in real close and kissed me....long and slow. It was like the world was stopping for us or something. I felt so important...so alive and in the moment. We walked around the rest of the day holding hands. That was the day I officially allowed myself to love you. You see I'd felt it all along but I was afraid of feeling the pain of you not loving me back but that kiss sealed it. I loved you then and it was sweet and new. The love I have for you today is better though. It is old and deep, seasoned and patient. It's this love that gives me the strength to cope with all this. I want you to know that I feel for you , so much, that I will wait forever if I have to. I won't ever believe an ill thing anyone says about you. I won't ever turn my back on you because you'd never do that to me. Through loving you, I have become a better person, a stronger person and I'd like to thank you for that. I can only hope that where ever you are you're happy. I can't wait to see you, until then be safe for me. _

_Ashley_

I'd read the first three aloud, but the rest I read to myself. I'd completely forgotten that Jon was there. That night I fell asleep in the pile of letters.

?//////////////////////////////////

The usual screams pulled me from dreams the next morning. I sat up to find Jon and Carmen asleep on the floor. I gently got up and stepped over them. Downstairs, my mother , Conner and my grandmother stood over a flaming pot of grits arguing. I wasn't at all in the mood to deal with them.

"Who was responsible for holding back my letters?"

They all froze. Conner took his opportunity to abscond from the tense kitchen.

"Spencer, your momma and I felt it was best you move on with your life. Leave all backwards mess behind...

'Was it you? Give me a straight answer for once in your damn lives."

"Aw hell....you done gone an sprouted a damn back bone on us. Thats all well and fine, just mean you'll feel it snapping in two when I jump off in your a...."

'Shut up with all those antics. Answer the question, who was responsible for retaining my letters"

"I was" my grandmother said in a clear voice. In one swift movement, I stepped forward and slapped her clean across the face"

She looked mortified.

"You had no right. They belonged to me. Ashley wrote to me every day for a damn year and I never knew that...I always knew you were a little far gone, but you've proved that you are a mean, hateful, miserable old bitch."

'Ungrateful heathen....if it weren't for me you wouldn't have a pot to piss in or a window to toss it out of. How dare you raise your hand to me? I'll rip you a knew one, I will......."

'You've been threatening me since I was a child with that same old sadistic shit and guess what? You haven't done a damn thing yet."

"Don't push me child. You don't know what I could do to you."

"We ain't got nothing but space and opportunity"

"Oh Lord hold me back."

"If you got the mind to, stop talking to the ceiling and do something"

"Spencer, calm down."

"You want it too?" With that my mother sat down.

"Blasphemous little whore, I ought to wash you're mouth out with soap."

"Uh-huh I've heard what you can, wanna, oughta, and should have done...lets see you put some action to those fancy words of yours."

"Spencer Carlin!!!"

'Momma sit back down."

My grandmother came at me with her hands grabbing at my hair. She swung at my face with one hand while I settled for hitting anything I could. My mother began to scream pulling our guests down the stairs. Carmen and Conner tried to pry my hands away form my grandmother's throat and Jon just stood back. It took a full thirty minutes for them to get us separated.


End file.
